Dear Amy: I have a dear friend I’ve known for 30 years. She lives in another town. I’ve also known her father and stepmother for many years.
Recently my friend’s father “friended” me on Facebook.
I was happy at first, but he writes diatribes to almost anything I post and has used obscene language.
I asked him not to use the language, and he seems to have backed off a bit, but he spends way too much time on Facebook and way too much time “challenging” me on political and religious stuff. How can I stop it? — Facebooked
Dear Facebooked: You have attempted to influence this person to behave differently, but he is an adult and he can do as he pleases. So can you. You could “unfriend” or “block” him (if he routinely spams people with obscene or aggressive responses, he has probably already been blocked by others), but if you feel this would cause additional unpleasantness, you could limit his access to your posts.
There is a little lock-shaped icon to the lower right of the “status update” on Facebook. You can use this feature to control who sees your posts. This enables you to basically shimmy around the question of “blocking” this person. You two would still be Facebook friends, but if he doesn’t see your posts he won’t have much to push against.
Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married for seven years.
In his prior relationships, he was attracted to what I would call “helpless women.”
I have never been helpless and don’t know how to be.
A few months ago, he met someone through his job who fits the “helpless and needy” description. I recently found out that he was spending several hours a week on his cellphone at work talking with her and checking on her “to make sure she was OK and wouldn’t harm herself.”
I confronted both of them, separately, face to face.
I believe him when he says it was just conversation, but after knowing this man for 20-plus years I don’t trust him.
What happens next time he meets a damsel in distress? — Wondering Wife
Dear Wife: Rather than policing, confronting and controlling your husband and his damsels, you should expend some effort talking calmly with him about these relationships and their effect on you.
It will be necessary for you to clarify and articulate what about this bothers you so much. Do you think your husband has poor taste in people? Do you feel threatened? Are you nervous that he will get ensnared in a drama you don’t trust him to handle?
Would you be less bothered if the damsel were a dude?
Dear Amy: Your response to “Picky Bride” revived some colorful wedding memories.
Rather than dictate the bridesmaid dresses, we sent each bridesmaid a color chip and asked her to find a dress she loved in her price range that was close to the color in the chip.
Four women, four dresses, all fabulous! I say, marriage is tough; keep the wedding simple! — Happy Happy
Dear Happy: I did the same thing when I got married. And we all loved the result — my five young bridesmaids looked like the colorful individuals they are.
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