Dear Amy: We have one daughter who has just started 10th grade. She is an excellent student at a private school where she earned all A’s last year. She is in the music honor society, plays a challenging instrument and volunteers at two hospitals. She has many friends, she texts and is on Facebook. She is into clothes and is attractive. She also works hard and is responsible for her schoolwork.
My problem is a friend of ours, who also has a daughter.
They have enhanced her education with volumes of lessons and tutoring and she has been driven to excel. She has an education adviser who prepares her for tests. She does not have friends and is not allowed to text or have Facebook.
My problem is that my friend is constantly pointing out how hard her daughter works, how many extra classes she takes and that she is a 4.0 student.
I never discuss my daughter’s grades other than saying she is a good student and a normal teenager. I become very irritated with my friend’s insistence to prove her daughter is superior to my daughter. I have tried to convey that they are just different, but she continues.
She considers Facebook, texting and primping a waste of time. I consider it normal.
I am afraid that if I let her have it and she realizes our daughters are not remarkably different academically, then I would lose my friendship.
What can I do to put an end to this comparison? — Biting My Tongue
Dear Biting: You and this other woman don’t really seem to have a friendship. You have a high school rivalry.
You only need to say, “Our kids are different. It’s not fair to judge them. You and I and our girls are never going to make it through the college application process if we don’t figure out how to interact differently. Can we appreciate both of these girls — just as they are?”
Dear Amy: Our daughter was recently diagnosed with a rare condition that now requires a year of chemotherapy, as well as other aggressive treatments.
My mother informed my family of what was happening and my sister-in-law decided to post a comment on my Facebook wall talking about what has happened and asking about the treatment!
Amy, we are private people. I certainly did not want everyone on Facebook to know about what is happening in our family! None of this is anyone else’s business. What do I do? — Furious
Dear Furious: Call your sister-in-law right away. Explain that you know she is concerned about your daughter but that she must keep this medical information private.
She may not realize the sheer public broadcasting power of posting on someone’s Facebook wall. And if she does realize it and is posting anyway, you need to set her straight. Ask her to call or e-mail you if she has questions about her treatment.
Facebook would be an effective tool for asking your greater social circle for support or information, but this should be your immediate family’s choice to make.
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