Dear Amy: When you catch the bouquet thrown by the bride at a wedding are you normally allowed to keep it? My teenage daughter attended my ex-husband’s wedding ceremony and caught the bouquet.
She set it down at the table, and when she returned it was gone. She questioned the bride, and the bride responded by saying, “Oh yeah, I’m keeping it.”
My daughter was mortified.
What’s your take on this? Is it common practice for the bride to keep this bouquet?
She questioned me when she got home, and I told her that at my wedding the person that caught my bouquet did indeed keep it, and I never questioned it. — Wondering in Iowa
Dear Wondering: When the bride tosses her wedding bouquet, she is signaling that the events surrounding the wedding ceremony have ended and that she is “passing the posy” to her unmarried female friends and family (this tradition, and the garter toss, may be on the wane).
Some brides have a second bouquet (or several bouquets) prepared just for tossing. This way they can keep their own bouquet. I have never heard of a bride asking for her bouquet back, especially after it has been mauled by bridesmaids.
It’s possible that this new stepmother is preparing the bouquet to be a keepsake for your daughter.
Not likely, but possible.
Even if this bride has committed a floral faux pas, it would be kindest of you to encourage your daughter to move beyond it. The “step” relationship is challenging enough — and this relationship seems to have gotten off to a rough start.
Dear Amy: I have been a part of my husband’s family for seven years.
I do whatever I can for my in-laws to make them happy. I pay for cellphone plans because they cannot afford them. I plan all parties: Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving and birthdays.
My husband’s little sister is getting married soon, and she asked me to be a wedding attendant.
I declined because I felt it was a little degrading and that she was just putting me in the wedding just to be nice. My husband received a call from his mother complaining that I had declined, even though it turns out I was right — the sister was asking me because she thought she had to. My husband stuck up for me with his mother.
I am tired of trying to make them happy and doing whatever I can for them, just to have them trash me. They always complain about what I say or do.
My in-laws only call my husband when they want something from him or to complain about me.
Was it wrong of me to decline being the wedding attendant?
What can I do about my in-laws complaining about me? — So Confused
Dear Confused: Evidently, in your world you are the only person who gets to be “nice.”
You need to imagine how you would feel if you invited your sister-in-law to be in your bridal party and she rejected the invitation because you extended it “only to be nice.”
If you value niceness, then be a good sport and recognize niceness when it comes your way. If you don’t want to “do everything” for your in-laws, then stop. If you do less, they might do more.
But don’t blame and judge them for trying to include you in a family wedding.
If your in-laws have a problem with you, they should speak to you directly. You sound like a woman who can stand up for herself.
Dear Amy: I work in a medical clinic and would like to weigh in on the practice of people bringing friends with them to their appointments.
Unless another person is needed to help with medical issues, I find it very annoying for people to bring an entourage.
I have had patients bring five friends or relatives with them. It is disruptive.
People need to know: Your entourage will not be allowed in to watch you have your test done, so please don’t ask. It is a medical test, not a live performance at the theater. — Annoyed Practitioner
Dear Annoyed: Well said.
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