Editor’s note: This column is Part One in a two-part series about how car buying relates to home buying.
Everything you need to know about buying a house, you can learn from buying a car.
I hadn’t shopped for a used car in years because we had “a guy” — professional auto broker who would brave the car-buying world on our behalf, run interference, knock together whatever heads he needed to, and get the car we wanted at a good price. No games.
But, like my husband, my car guy is in Denver. And I’m in Orlando with a daughter who just turned 16 and pines for her own wheels.
“Mom, please! I’ve been saving for this my whole life.”
Though that sounds dramatic, it’s true. I groan.
“…This is supposed to be exciting!”
Did I mention she is 16?
I had agreed, years ago — in one of those parental fogs when you actually believe your child will never be old enough to drive let alone buy a car — that however much she saved for a car, I would match her dollar for dollar. And here we are.
“You have no idea,” I warn her. “They lie. They cheat. They take your fingers when you’re not looking.”
“You’re such a killjoy.”
Online she finds cars at lots all over town and persuades me to go look.
Lot number one is so small and sketchy we drive by it three times. Surrounding the lot is prison-yard-like fencing with a sign that reads “Beware of Dog.”
“I wonder if they mean the owner,” I say.
“You’re so negative,” my daughter responds.
“Whatever you do, don’t act interested.”
The owner bounds out. We ask about the car we saw online. Its hood is so badly out of skew it needs orthodontia. I mention that the price on the window is higher than the one online.
“You pay me with cash?”
I nod. He leans in, though no one’s around to hear, and says, “For yooouuu…. I make the price even lower.”
In the car, my daughter says, “I’ve never heard anyone actually use that ‘for yooouuu’ line before.”
Lot number two is so huge the light fixtures make the SUVs look like charms on a bracelet. To get to the cars, you have to go through a main building, which is elevated like some church or courthouse.
“Don’t let the steps throw you. They’re designed to intimidate,” I say.
She looks at me like I’m a wheel short.
We blow by the pretty young woman at the front desk before her long fingernails can snatch us and make us sign in. A salesman beams in from the watch tower.
“We’re looking for a car for my daughter. We need to keep it to well under five digits, tax, license, out the door.”
He shows us a car for $11,900.
Lot number three is just confusing.
“Nice little Honda, isn’t it?”
A voice appears from nowhere.
“Where are the prices?”
None of the windows have a price sticker.
“We don’t display them because people get upset when there’s one price on the website, and another price on the car.”
We leave.
“I can’t believe he actually admitted that,” my daughter says.
At lot number four, I pause to count my fingers. I’m only missing one.
A salesman looks up a car we saw online and tells us it’s on a “sister lot down the street.” He can drive us there. The thought of getting in the car with him creeps me out.
“No thanks,” I say. He offers to have the car driven to us. We wait 30 minutes, then he tells us it just sold, but, if we would give him our phone number…
On the drive home, my daughter looks at all the cars whizzing by and asks, “Did all these people have to go through this?”
Something tells me she just figured out why there’s no real rush to grow up.
Syndicated columnist and speaker Marni Jameson is the author of “House of Havoc” and “The House Always Wins” (Da Capo Press). Contact her through .
Non-emotional tips for buying a home or car
Right after a bruising car-shopping experience with my daughter, my employer offered a timely class on how to buy a car and not get ripped off. I went with a large, blank notepad. The presenter, who’s been in the car business for 27 years, had good advice that applies to buying a house, too.
Know the home-court advantage. However smart you think you are, the salesperson is better at this than you. For every car or home transaction you’ve been through, they’ve been through 50 or 500. Salespeople know what you’re thinking, and have taken classes to read you and sell you. Be on guard.
Watch for the qualifying questions. From the minute you show up, salespeople note what you’re wearing and driving. They look for wedding rings, and nose around to see how much you can afford. They have ways of making you talk. Speak carefully.
Hit the streets. Let the Web do the walking at first. It’s great for finding comparable values. But don’t count on what you see being available. When looking online for my current place, almost every house I found for rent wasn’t actually available. Brokers left properties up so buyers would think the company had lots of inventory and call. Same thing happens with cars.
Put time on your side. Do not rush, and never reveal that you need a house or vehicle by a certain date (even if it’s true). When the agent sends you information, don’t e-mail, text or call back immediately. Act blasà . Being too eager tips your hand.
Don’t get emotional. Houses and cars, like love and liquor, can make you go weak at the knees. But when you’re buying one, emotions aren’t your friend. Remember, lots of other houses and cars are out there. It’s a buyer’s market, but you have to keep your head, and your ability to walk away without sobbing.
Join me next week when we find that good salespeople do exist, learn about negotiating, and finally, get the keys.
