Dear Margo: My best gay male friend recently admitted he’s in love with a woman, despite dating men his whole adult life without any bisexual inclinations. I can handle this sudden revelation, but I am deeply hurt and feel betrayed that it took him months to reveal this information. We’re extremely close and share the tiniest details of our lives. I noticed a behavior change several months ago and repeatedly asked him what it was. He always brushed me off.
He’s since begged my forgiveness, but I can’t move past the idea of his keeping this secret from me. I find myself so hurt that I can barely speak to him. And I’m not secretly in love with him. I’m gay, as well, and have no romantic interest in men. Where do I go from here? — Allie
Dear Al: What you are calling a betrayal I regard as a “sin” of omission. Your close friend chose not to tell you his news until now, and I frankly can’t see why you’re so broken up about this. I suggest you accept the fact that he kept this to himself for a while … for whatever reason. Some things are worth a commotion; this is not one of them. — Margo, forwardly
The Luck of the Draw
Dear Margo: When I started playing poker, I always won. The first tournament in which I played, I came in first. I thought I must have some sort of gift or something. This streak lasted for three months, and then I started reading books and studying the game.
At one point, I played in what was the most important tournament of my poker career. Gavin Smith came to my local poker club, and I won a satellite to the tournament in which he was playing. It was a big deal. I was steadily grinding about 13 hours a day and doing very well. I am not a donkey. I had the chip lead at every table I played. It was down to four tables, and long story short, I could have sat there and folded every hand and would have made it to the final table. Instead, I did the opposite and got involved in a hand I probably shouldn’t have. I risked my entire stack and lost it all to someone on a flush draw. I was devastated and cried for weeks.
Ever since then, poker has seemed intimidating, and I haven’t made it as far in tournaments as I used to. How is it that an inexperienced player like me could have done so well in the beginning, and then gone to hell? I had been able to tap into a certain rhythm and was able to trust my gut, but I seem to have lost that. Is there any way to move past this situation and re-embrace what used to come so naturally? Will I ever be able to dominate a room full of men again, or should I just give up and break up with poker for good? — Texas Hold ‘Em
Dear Tex: I do not know whether you will ever dominate a room full of men again, but I do believe there is such a thing as beginner’s luck. I had it when I first started to shoot skeet. Then it went away. Forever. I also started to study something I took pleasure in (symphonic music), but after I took a course, I was so busy parsing movements, etc. that it was no longer enjoyable. Perhaps this is what happened to you. Although I know people who love the game, it is gambling, and if you’re on the fence about continuing, perhaps “breaking up with poker” is the emotionally and financially smart thing to do. — Margo, bluffing
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via the online form at . Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
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