Dear Amy: My wife’s brother and sister-in-law invited us to spend a fun weekend at their family beach house earlier in the month to tour the pretty Christmas-decorated attractions in the town.
Tickets for the tour were $25 each, purchased ahead of time by her sister-in-law.
When the time came to leave on Sunday afternoon, my wife took $50 and stuffed the bills in the front of her sister-in-law’s blouse, after she was told no thank you.
I hoped they were not too offended by her actions. (We had picked up the dinner tab Saturday night.)
This couple visited us last summer and we went to a baseball game. They wanted to pay for the tickets, but I said, “No, it’s our treat, we’re really glad you could come.” They thanked us sincerely and left it at that. I think it is all part of graciously accepting hospitality.
I’m afraid that any time we want to host them and do some fun activity that might cost money, they might think they have to compensate us.
What are your thoughts about the etiquette for this situation? — Etiquette Stretched
Dear Stretched: The only time it is appropriate to stuff cash into someone else’s clothing is if you are at an “adult” club or bachelorette party and …
You know what? It’s actually never appropriate to stuff cash into someone else’s clothing.
Your two families have a very nice back-and-forth going. You and your wife know how good it feels to host people at your home and treat them to various local attractions.
When your wife jammed money into her sister-in-law’s blouse, she effectively denied this other family the pleasure of treating you.
It can be hard, sometimes, to accept someone else’s generosity, and yet in this case gracious acceptance (followed by a note of thanks) is exactly what was called for.
Dear Amy: For the past several years my son has been invited to his friend “Brian’s” birthday party in December. We have always attended and purchased him a thoughtful gift that we knew he would like.
I recently commented to his mother that he must get a lot of presents in December with his birthday and Christmas being so close together.
She told me, “Oh, I have him choose half his birthday presents to give to Toys for Tots. He only gets to keep half.”
There is no mention of this on the invitation.
I feel that not only am I funding her charitable donations but also her parenting (i.e., teaching her son about giving to others).
Our family donates toys, food and money during the holiday season.
While I would be happy to provide a toy for a charity as a gift, I do not want to shop for a friend’s son if he might not choose to keep it. Why not just say “no gifts” or “Bring a toy to donate” on the invite?
There are divided opinions on this. What do you think? — Scrooged
Dear Scrooged: I agree with you.
While it is possible that any gift you give any child could ultimately end up anywhere (including under the child’s bed), this mother’s admission that they always give half of these gifts away was insensitive.
The way this mother has arranged her charitable gesture is disingenuous and not really fair to the young guests.
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