Growing up in a family with two brothers and a sister, there was often conflict. Following in the tradition of my father’s Midwestern upbringing, my brothers and I were allowed, even encouraged, to settle our differences by fighting it out. And while my younger sister was sometimes the chief antagonist, it was made very clear that I was never to lay a hand on her. To do so would be the worst kind of wrong.
Unfortunately, our society has moved away from the simple rules that my father implemented decades ago. During the Grammys this year, singer Chris Brown received wild applause from many and a standing ovation from some. His performance was physically impressive and worthy of the awe it inspired.
But as an uninformed observer of pop culture, my first question upon seeing him introduced was, “Isn’t that the guy who beat up his girlfriend?”
In fact, it was.
Brown was charged with felony assault in March 2009 for beating Rihanna. Later that year, he pleaded guilty to that charge as part of a plea bargain. Less than two years later, he is championed for his musical talent.
Last week, it was revealed that Rihanna and Brown had recently collaborated on two new songs. Even if the victim offers an apparent olive branch, no one can say with any certainty if Brown is truly reformed and now worthy of our admiration.
Nevertheless, it is clear that as a society, we are too quick to forgive our entertainers and athletes. We look past unspeakable crimes because someone is a talented dancer or an elite athlete.
Americans are firm believers in second chances. If someone has paid his debt to society, we believe he deserves the opportunity to move on from his misdeeds. However, it speaks poorly of us as a people that we are so willing to look past domestic violence and cheer men who abuse women.
As a father to a beautiful 14-month- old daughter, I now have the blinders of indifference removed. All too often the facts on violence against women are viewed as a sterile statistics and not as heinous crimes.
In 2010, quarterback Ben Roethlisberger was suspended for eight games as he faced his second charge of sexual assault. This concerned many people — not because he allegedly committed unspeakable acts, but because of how it would affect their fantasy football teams. Fans of the Steelers now have to explain to their children that they cheer for this man despite his abusive actions.
We cannot expect our children to fully understand the wrongs of violence when we make excuses for the famous people who commit these crimes.
In Denver, the Broncos cut or traded away two players in the past two years who had previously been accused of violent crimes against women. However, the Broncos made it clear that the respective transactions were football decisions and the allegations had no bearing on the roster moves.
It is unfortunate that the football club opted against taking a strong stand and stating that they aren’t interested in having abusive men on the roster. But then, who knows — we may someday need a wife-beating wide receiver and it would be terrible to be pigeon-holed by moral standards.
As a father, I take pride in being a role model for what a man should be to my daughter. Hopefully I will be able to be a good father and treat her well, and when she grows up she will require other men in her life to do the same.
The rule is so simple, even a 6-year-old understands it: Don’t hit or abuse girls.
We can be a forgiving society. But let’s not be so blind that we are mesmerized by someone’s dance moves or ability to catch a ball that we no longer care how they treat the women in their lives.
We owe that to our daughters and to ourselves.
Brian Kurz is a new father and teacher with Cherry Creek Schools.
