Years ago, I heard an interview with comedian Jay Leno. The reporter asked him about all his money and cars.
“Let’s get one thing straight,” Leno said. “Money doesn’t make you happy. But it can make you happier.”
I thought of Leno’s answer recently when some well-meaning, but unsuspecting person asked me, “How do you like Orlando?”
I paused to reflect on the city I moved to 10 months ago, then asked, “You mean how do I like the weather? Or the landscape? The shopping and dining? The local attractions? The people? Or do you mean how do I like my job, the schools, my house, my neighborhood? Or are you asking if I’m I happy here? Can a place make you happy any more than money can?”
By the time I had run through the many possible ways to respond, notions that ricocheted around my brain like shoppers at an outlet sale, the person had gone to the bar.
Thus, I was stumped when a reader wrote in response to one of my recent columns. In it I talked about my last house just outside Denver, which I had been sure would be my last “place.”
Dear Marni,
We moved to Tucson a few years ago, and were certain we were going to stay here forever. Now we see we may some day live somewhere else. How do you like Florida, specifically Orlando? I miss humidity and adore Mickey Mouse, but I’m also aware of the grass-is-always-greener syndrome. Signed R.
For the reasons mentioned above, it took me days to answer:
Dear R: What I’ve decided matters most about place is how much place matters to you.
(That probably sent her to the bar, right there.)
I, for instance, judge happiness based on my relationships — to family, friends, the community — and how much I feel fulfilled and engaged where I live. The climate doesn’t make much difference … (I waxed on a bit more, and now can picture my poor reader’s eyes twirling like pinwheels.) … So I guess ask yourself what you need to surround yourself with to create the life you want. It’s not as simple as whether you like Disney.
Or maybe it is.
Because I have no business giving people life advice, I ran the question by Brad Waters, a personal life coach and blogger for Psychology Today.
“We get caught up in the idea that we can go outside ourselves to find happiness,” said Waters, also the voice behind . “But a place is just a place.”
“You mean, kind of like, wherever you go, there you are?” I say.
“If we’re not feeling fulfilled internally, then we might see some appeal in a new place, but that novelty will wear off.”
“And you’ll just be left with you again,” I say. “Bummer.”
“Around now warm sunshine and sandy beaches sound good,” said Waters, who is from Michigan but currently calls Chicago home. “But how long would I live in Hawaii before I started working in an office every day and not noticing my surroundings?”
“That’s like Denver,” I chime. “Visitors come from all over to see what we saw every day just going to get milk, but a person can only take so much beauty and inspiration before they have to get back to the grocery list.”
Margaret King, director of a think tank in Philadelphia that analyzes the importance of place in determining how lives get lived, puts it this way: “The place we live becomes invisible after a short while because we get so used to how it operates.”
So place matters, but less than we think.
I go to my computer and write:
Dear R.: I’ve given your question more thought. A place can’t make you happy. That’s an inside job, but a new place can make you happi-er.
Join me next week as we talk about how to make a new place click.
Syndicated columnist and speaker Marni Jameson is the author of “House of Havoc” and “The House Always Wins” (Da Capo Press). Contact her through .
A place of sense
Here are some ways to decide if a new place is for you:
Not for everyone. “Not everyone is a good moving candidate,” says King. Those who’ve grown up in one place close to family, friends, school and job, tend to stay close to the ‘hood, while those who’ve moved a lot and travel widely tend to pick their place based on other factors, particularly class and profession.
Personality plays a role. “Know where you fall on the continuum between homebody and adventurer,” says Waters. Adventurers value a wide world-view and want to experience it, while homebodies place a high value on connections and don’t feel comfortable pressing their boundaries.
Look at the why. Whether you’re happy in a new place depends heavily on why you moved, said King. If you moved for a good reason — a great job, to be closer to loved ones, to get married — you have a higher chance for happiness, than if you felt forced to move. Be concerned if you sense that you’re running away from a place, said Waters. “That can be a problem if your struggle is internal.”
Know what you value.Take an inventory of what makes you happy and what matters. Is it being close to family, good theaters, skiing, hiking trails, good schools, a like-minded religious community, professionals in your field who stimulate you? No place has it all, but ask if the place you’re considering comes close. The place where you’ll be happiest will be close to what you love and value.
