Dear Amy: I have an 18-year-old daughter. I believe she struggled with learning disabilities (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, dyslexia and test anxiety) throughout grade school, but these problems went undiagnosed.
During high school, she was tutored three times a week for two hours each time. Despite this help, she got an extremely low score on her ACT test and was unable to get into a college.
We tried to get her to retake the test, but she refused.
She went to community college, taking remedial classes for one semester, but has now dropped out because “it’s a waste of time and money” since she can’t transfer the credits to a university.
She has agreed to retake the ACT, but she refuses to take a refresher class. She needs to raise her score significantly to be accepted by universities. She can’t do this on her own. I’ve seen her take exams, and she comes unglued.
I have two sons who were easily accepted to their colleges of choice.
My daughter has a part-time job, but other than that does nothing from one end of the day to the next.
Do you have any suggestions? I’m afraid she will waste her life. — A Worried Mom
Dear Mom: A university education is not for everyone.
Your daughter should start thinking about a profession.
One of the advantages of community college — aside from the cost and convenience — is the access to practical professional training.
You should stop pressuring your daughter with tutoring and college-entrance testing and instead pursue an accurate evaluation and assessment.
This will be helpful, but she still will have to take responsibility for her life, including coping with her challenges.
If she balks at community college or can’t commit to any particular path, she’ll have to increase her work hours.
Working hard and making money will help her to feel (and actually be) successful.
Dear Amy: My parents’ relationship always has been strained, and I became accustomed to growing up in a house divided.
About a year ago my father left home and moved to a different state.
Surprisingly, he told me that he was living with another woman.
I appreciate his honesty, but I have never met this woman, nor do I particularly want to.
Whenever he talks of living with her it is uncomfortable.
Recently, he has been pushing me to come out and stay with them and meet his new partner.
He even has had her call me and ask me to come for a visit.
She seems nice, but I do not want to visit them. My father and I aren’t close.
Am I being immature? Should I tell him that I have no interest in meeting her, or is that rude? — Confused and College-bound
Dear Confused: Your father is being honest with you. Treat him the same way.
It’s OK to say, “Dad, this makes me uncomfortable, and I’m just not ready.”
Your father has no right to pressure you, and if you feel pressured you need to say so.
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