Dear Amy: Several years ago, while in my 40s, I was diagnosed with a type of chronic leukemia, CLL, during a routine blood test.
I still have no physical symptoms and only have blood tests twice a year to monitor my blood count. Emotionally I have my ups and downs, but for the most part I am doing fine.
Statistically I am five to seven years away from needing any treatment. There is no cure.
I am happily married and have two teenage children.
My eldest child found out about the CLL right away, but my youngest has not been told.
I have wanted to tell her, but my husband has discouraged me because there is nothing that can be done and I am still symptom-free.
We also only have told a small circle of family and friends. Disclosing this is not easy.
Am I wrong to keep the truth from her because basically I am OK?
I am torn between the thought of this hurting her and the fact that I am keeping this huge secret when others know? — Obviously Anonymous
Dear Obviously: As a parent you should strive to demonstrate to your children that there is nothing in life that is too challenging to face.
You say you want to tell your daughter — then do it.
It’s OK to admit that you are concerned, confused or simply unsure about something, but what a gift it would be to your kids if you faced this openly and with optimism .
I’m not suggesting that you shrug this off, but really: Do you want your children to think that this is a tragedy worthy of extreme secrecy? Or do you want them to watch their mom handle a serious health challenge with equanimity?
Please choose the latter.
The National Cancer Institute () has helpful, factual information about CLL; the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society () offers information and links to support.
Dear Amy: I am a sophomore in high school.
My friend also is a sophomore, and she has very serious body image issues.
Last year she told me that she was anorexic and bulimic.
I urged her nearly every day to talk to her parents about this and try to get help, but I didn’t want to tell them for fear that I would lose her friendship.
For a while it looked as if she was getting better. But recently she’s always tired, and her clothes are getting looser.
She told me the other day that she rarely gets to bed before midnight because she is at dance almost all afternoon.
She gets up at 5 a.m. to go running because she is “fat,” and she wants to lose weight because her “diet isn’t working.”
Amy, I don’t know what to do. I’m scared for her health.
I think her folks already know and aren’t doing anything.
What should I do? — Scared and Unsure
Dear Scared: Go to your school counselor right away. Eating disorders are progressive illnesses that thrive on secrecy.
Your school counselor, nurse or psychologist knows how to help kids in distress. This adult will follow up with your friend’s parents. You are doing the right thing to notify someone who can help.
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