Dear Margo: I’m a 20-something woman engaged to the best man I’ve ever known. I am beyond ecstatic to be getting married. My problem has nothing to do with him and everything to do with a guy who was one of my best friends in college. This guy and I were close all through school, and even though I had an instant attraction to him that never faded, we were always just friends. I sometimes, however, got the sense that there was something going on between us, and I certainly wouldn’t have minded if he had shown an interest.
I haven’t spoken to him recently, but we live somewhat near each other and are on friendly terms. There are only a few months before my wedding, but instead of dreaming of my fiance, I find myself dreaming of this college crush, mostly scenes involving him making moves on me, e.g., leaning in for a steamy kiss, but never anything more than that. This dream has occurred several times in the past two weeks. What does this mean, and what do I do?! — Dreaming Bride-To-Be
Dear Dream: Nothing, and nothing. The meaning of the dreams most likely has to do with “What if?” It is normal to be curious about situations that were never realized and quite common to wonder about the one who got away. Don’t faint, but married couples often fantasize about other people. The thing to remember is that you can think anything without being a bad person. I suggest you regard the dreams as your subconscious dealing with what you likely regard as unfinished business, and that you not be spooked or feel disloyal. What puts my mind at ease, on your behalf, is that you write that your intended is “the best man I’ve ever known.” If we are lucky, cupcake, those are the ones we marry. — Margo, normally
When Straight and Gay Behavior Should Be the Same
Dear Margo: Our 22-year-old son recently told us he is gay. We are supportive and told him we love him and are aware of the courage it took for him to tell us. We are concerned, however, because he has met someone online and has expressed a desire to visit him out of state. We feel he should talk to this person by phone or Skype and get some idea of what he’s like. He’s feeling very alone, as he has not ever been with anyone sexually. We believe he should be very careful. He is very relieved that he no longer has to keep this secret from his loved ones, so we are trying to be supportive of his wishes. — Concerned for His Safety
Dear Con: How wonderful that you could receive your son’s news with such equanimity. Your response to his “news” should make it all the easier — and more comfortable — to tell him this kind of introduction is not what he should be doing. And you might add that if he were your 22-year-old daughter, you would be saying the same thing. Even the dating sites suggest meeting in a public place, which would put the kibosh on traveling to another state to meet a stranger — even in a Starbucks, which I doubt would be the case, anyway. Suggest he invite the young man to visit him and relay the information that his parents would be more comfortable that way. — Margo, carefully
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via the online form at . Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
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