Edward R. Murrow broadcast from the rooftops of London during World War II. Walter Cronkite brought Vietnam into our living rooms.
Sadly, it has fallen to me, your humble correspondent, to report from the front lines of the War on Christmas, where the latest volley of attacks between rebel forces and troops loyal to the North Pole has claimed numerous casualties, including a platoon of tin soldiers, three shopping-mall Santa Clauses and at least one civilian elf unwittingly caught in the crossfire.
Of course, this not-at-all-imaginary war stems from the conservative talk-show notion that government, the media and big business are conspiring to take the Christ out of Christmas and homogenize the holy day to be politically correct and all-inclusive.
In these tense times, erecting a Baby Jesus manger on the steps of City Hall is a gold-star act of heroism; wishing someone “happy holidays” instead of “merry Christmas” is tantamount to treason.
But in actuality, the “war on Christmas” is a war of Christmas: a rapacious, all-consuming, months-on-end hype fest that sucks the air of out everything else in our culture and is far removed, in spirit and in deed, from its religious origins.
(Don’t forget: Christmas was stolen from the pagans, who for good reason celebrated the winter solstice and the impending increase of daylight. Decorated trees, Yule logs, gift-giving — and the subsequent ceremonial standing in the return line at Wal-Mart with the crock pot from Aunt Louise — all derived from those earliest celebrations.)
Some observers have noted that Christmas appears to be the aggressor in this war, taking up an ever-bigger chunk of the calendar with marketing and sales and those ponderous, joyless carols on store Muzak channels.
Twelve days of Christmas? Pfft — it’s more like 75.
Make no mistake, Christmas is big business. American shoppers will spend an average of $804 on gifts this year, including 15 percent for themselves, according to the National Retail Federation. It seems that the real meaning of the holiday these days is found at the altar of consumerism.
But to hear a small number of vocal, evangelical Christians tell it, Christmas is under attack not by mindless commercialism, but by those who would dare acknowledge that not everyone shares their faith or observance of the holiday.
It’s worth noting that even some 81 percent of non-Christians in the United States celebrate Christmas, according to the Pew Research Center, demonstrating the pervasiveness of this event.
In the crosshairs of those cultural warriors are government officials lighting non-denominational “holiday trees” in front of City Hall and merchants advertising generic “holiday sales,” rather than, apparently, “gluttonous shopping orgies for Christ.”
The uber-conservative American Family Association, for instance, puts out an annual list of “naughty” retailers who don’t mention Christmas in their holiday advertisements.
Among those on the list this year are Office Depot, Office Max and Staples (who knew that desk blotters and bulk paper clips were the sign of the anti-Christ?) as well as — get this — Victoria’s Secret.
Isn’t “naughty” the essence of Victoria’s Secret?
Even The Denver Post has come under fire from the Liberty Counsel, a Florida-based, self-appointed arbiter of sufficient Christmas-y-ness, which last month falsely claimed that newspaper carriers had been forbidden from writing “Merry Christmas” on holiday cards that they give to subscribers.
But in this battle between political correctness and religious exclusivity, here’s a real test of faith particular to Colorado: The voice of Denver Broncos’ quarterback Peyton Manning now greets travelers on the terminal trains at Denver International Airport, wishing them a “great holiday season.”
Steve Lipsher (slipsher@comcast.net) of Silverthorne writes a monthly column.
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