Have you ever wondered how people deepen the intimacy and closeness in their relationships? Try this exercise, which will allow you to “interview” your spouse or intimate partner — and hopefully assist you in gaining a greater depth of understanding and closeness in your relationship.
If you’d like to find out more information about any given subject, ask additional questions — such as how, where, when, how often, how long, likes and dislikes, desires and requests. Ask your partner how s/he feels about your relationship — and about you — in the following areas:
Communication
Hopes, wishes and dreams
Fears/anxieties
What angers you
Giving affection
Receiving affection
Spirituality or religion
Neatness, cleanliness and personal hygiene
Money and financial issues
The past
The future
Children/parenting issues
Feelings about family, extended family or time spent with family
Romance
Sex
Personal friendships/couple’s friendships/time spent with friends
What irritates you
What makes you happy
Interests/hobbies
Travel/vacations
Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, special occasions
Giving love
Receiving love
Entertainment/TV
Self-improvement
Dress/clothing/appearance
Meals/food
Alcohol or other substances
Exercise and fitness
Weight
Trust
Time spent together
Work
House/home
Regrets
Sadnesses
Apologies
Requests
What I could do that would help you to feel closer
Make sure to take turns asking each other these questions, so it’s not one-sided. And don’t try to get through these questions all at the same time. It will be more effective and intimate if you take one or several of these questions every few days—and continue this discussion over the course of a month or two. That way the intimacy and connection between the two of you has an opportunity of deepening over time.
Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and family therapist, and author of “Love, Sex and Staying Warm: Keeping the Flame Alive.” 303-758-8777, or . He can’t answer individual queries.
