Getting your player ready...
Dear J.T. & DALE: I work in a young office, where the average age is 25. Last year, we hired a woman in her 50s who has kids our age. She’s nice, but she’s nosy about our personal lives, and she treats us like kids. I already have parents. Worst of all, she stirs the pot – if somebody makes a mistake, she tells the boss. We think that she doesn’t do it to be mean, she just cares about the company. What can we do to get her to stop ratting us out and treating us like kids? – Cameron
DALE: Those are two very different issues, the ratting out and the being treated like kids. J.T.: And I guarantee she has no idea how she is coming across on either one. She believes that she is just doing her job. Those with many years of work experience love to use their knowledge to show their worth. Honestly, I’m sure management appreciates it; catching mistakes can save lots of money. However, it sounds like the way she is doing it is what really bothers you. I would suggest that you grab a cup of coffee with her and let her know that you’d rather she come to you directly and help you fix the problems instead of openly pointing them out to management. DALE: Here’s the thing: You solve the problem of ratting you out by letting her be the mom. You initiate the conversation that J.T. is suggesting with this irresistible question: “Can I confide in you?” That’s just what every mom wants! “Yes,” she’ll say, “confide away.” Then you tell her that you’re worried you’ll be held back because of the mistakes she keeps spotting. Tell her you want to learn from her. Then, point out that the best way for you to learn is by her coming directly to you whenever she spots a mistake. Let her be nosy, but turn it to your advantage. Let her be the mom of the department. By the way, indulging her personality will be good practice: A large proportion of managers, especially business owners, make the mistake of treating employees like family. J.T.: I’m not sure about the mom part. If that idea rankles, Cameron – and I bet it does – then you can tell her that it feels like she’s treating you like a child instead of a young professional who is learning and growing on the job. Tell her that you’d like to see the two of you as partners and peers who can support each other. If you are sincere and kind in your delivery of this message, she’ll come around. DALE: Or, you can be grateful and enjoy having an office mom. Your pick. Dear J.T. & Dale: I work in a company that has a lot of employee “events” that involve games. These get loud and competitive, and totally stress me out. I usually make an excuse to skip them, and have even taken vacation days to avoid them. How do I go to the office manager and tell her how uncomfortable these are for me and ask her to stop? – Stacee J.T.: You can’t do that. Plain and simple. The fact that these are regular occurrences means they are “corporate culture sanctioned.” Taking a stand against them is announcing that you aren’t fitting in.in better. J.T.: Exactly. Refusing to participate is disrespecting not only the culture, but your co-workers. So here’s what I suggest: Reach out to your closest ally in the company, explain your dilemma and ask if he or she will partner with you in participating in the games. Perhaps with a friend to help get you involved, you might even enjoy yourself. – Workplace consultant and career coach J.T. O’Donnell has coached, trained and mentored employees and managers on a wide variety of career-related subjects since 1994. Her book, “CAREEREALISM: The Smart Approach to A Satisfying Career” is available at JTODonnell.com. Management guru Dale Dauten has written six books and is an authority on innovation in the workplace. His latest book, “Great Employees Only: How Gifted Bossess Hire & Dehire Their Way to Success” is available at Dauten.com. copyright 2013 King Features.
