When it comes to NFL free agency, we’re all Tom Smykowski.
He was the character in “Office Space” who had his own innovative idea, not unlike the pet rock — “It was a ‘Jump to Conclusions’ mat,” Tom explained. “You see, it would be this mat that you would put on the floor … and would have different CONCLUSIONS written on it that you could JUMP TO.”
(“That’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard in my life, Tom,” Michael Bolton retorted.)
OK, so this week, as NFL teams sign free agents, everyone is jumping to crazy conclusions.
THE CHARGERS HAVE THE BEST OFFENSIVE LINE NOW!
THE BILLS ARE SO RELEVANT NOW!
THE 49ERS STINK NOW!
(OK, that third one is probably unequivocally factual.)
It’s what we do, we just assume that every signee will neatly tie up any issues a team has, and will obviously, unquestionably elevate a team.
Let’s just pump the brakes. Before you go spouting off about a signing, let’s understand that there are a multitude of factors that will determine if a dude is the right fit for a team.
Monday morning, I drove to the car place to get an oil change (and was soon told my windshield wipers needed to be replaced, the air filters were faulty, it was time for a 60,000-mile checkup and I had some weird leak that would cost $600 to fix. Also, I don’t think they liked the color of my car). I listened to some local sports talk radio, and some fellow was screaming to me about how the Orlando Franklin signing would bolster the Bolts’ offensive line. Along with D.J. Fluker, King Dunlap and Billy Bob from “Varsity Blues,” this line would dominate in the trenches. And then, the Chargers would draft Melvin Gordon and be, categorically, unstoppable.
Guys.
Calm down.
Credit the Chargers for being proactive, obviously. But who’s to say that Franklin will thrive over there? Do we even know what position he’ll play on that line? Did the Chargers possibly overpay, and thus hurt themselves in signing someone else? And while Franklin graded out well overall last season, clearly he was a key target in the about Denver’s offensive line, which was flimsy during stretches last season. Oh, and Melvin Gordon is obviously a star NFL running back, right? No question. Just like Montee Ball should’ve been.
I’ll do it, Kiz’ll do it, we’ll all write at length about free-agent moves. But even we are held to the standard of putting a signing in perspective. You should be too.
Heck, perhaps the best way to look at it is — look at last year now. Bill Barnwell did. He’s the NFL writer for Grantland, and he just . A year ago, THE SAINTS ARE DOMINANT NOW! Also, THE BEARS’ DEFENSE WILL CARRY THEM INTO THE PLAYOFFS NOW! Well, Barnwell gave the Saints an F and the Bears a D. But he gave the Broncos an A, and I had said that Denver dominated free agency, so forget everything I previously wrote here and jump to conclusions!!!
Chew on this
• Congrats to the Nuggets, who moved up one slot in Marc Stein’s weekly NBA power rankings. The Nuggets , ahead of the Lakers and Knicks. On Monday, the Nuggets host the Knicks. One of these teams, somehow, will win the game.
• Avalanche goalie Semyon Varlamov has been named . Varlamov went 3-0-0 with a 0.69 goals-against average, .981 save percentage and one shutout to power the Avalanche (30-25-11, 71 points) to three consecutive wins. Varlamov then stopped all 44 shots he faced in a 4-0 win over the Columbus Blue Jackets to record his 18th career shutout and fifth of the season, including three that have featured at least 40 saves.
• This headline had me clicking:
• So did this headline:
• My new favorite Twitter follow is . Check out this tidbit from Monday: Wade Boggs reached base safely in 152 games in 1985. Most in a season in baseball history.
• And finally, one-time kid rapper turned 28 on Monday. WE’RE ALL OLD.
Benjamin Hochman: bhochman@denverpost.com or
Visit each weekday near noontime for a serving of dish concerning Colorado’s sporting landscape from a Denver Post sports writer. Care for another helping? Scan .
