Ronald Reagan gets credit for saying, “The nine most terrifying words in the English language are ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to help.’ ” His quip aligns with my cynical view that government meddling is often well-intentioned but naïve.
As a business owner, my day-to-day metrics include money and time. Revenues become payroll, which is what’s left after taxes, operating expenses and health insurance. No, this isn’t a rant against the Affordable CAre Act or Connect for Health Colorado. I’m in favor of affordable care, and still hope to find some.
My time budget is deducted from the 168 hours in each week (that’s 24 times 7). Big chunks of time are spent serving clients or handling internal administrative trivia. What’s left goes to family, friends, household chores, hobbies and, occasionally, personal hygiene and sleep.
Then there are the time thieves. Lately, I’ve been receiving about five robocalls a day, and they’re getting sneakier at spoofing caller ID. Some are automated come-ons that promise awesome search rankings or amazing small-business loans.
The more malicious actors are live perpetrators. There was the heavily accented “Agent Handerson, badge number 392467, from the Internal Revenue Service.” He called three times, using different names and badge numbers but making the same dire threats.
The most recent call from the “Windows Technical Support team” was awash in background noise that sounded like a flea market in a train station. The tele-thug’s voice was so garbled that I suggested he find a better phone service.
My digits are registered with the Colorado No-Call and National Do Not Call lists. They’re from the government, and they want us to believe it’s helping. Sadly, enforcement is virtually impossible when so many scammers operate offshore: Since 2003, the Federal Trade Commission has levied $1.2 billion in fines but collected only 8 percent. (That’s $96 million.) So where does that money go?
The Colorado Attorney General puts the onus on us: Its No-Call Law webpage uses 842 words to explain how individuals can use small claims court to pursue financial remedies.
According to the Consumers Union, publisher of Consumer Reports, robocalls cost us an estimated $350 million per year. Its current solution is a lobbying effort called End Robocalls (). The purpose is to put “intense pressure” on the government and the phone companies, which apparently are reluctant to deploy available blocking technologies.
It seems like yet another well-intentioned brain cramp. Worse, blocking is a defensive solution: What do you block when the bad guys spoof legitimate numbers?
I want to go on the offensive with a robocall robo-terminator that plugs into my landline or runs as an app on my smartphone. On command, it will attack, holding the line open and sending coded signals that defeat and destroy the robocaller’s system.
Maybe a similarly outraged Colorado entrepreneur can create Weapons of Mass Robocall Destruction. What could possibly go wrong? No one would use the technology for anything other than its intended purpose, would they?
OK, maybe I’m being naïve, or at least silly. But the desire to actually stop the bad guys feels semi-rational.
The robocallers are absolutely relentless. They’ll never stop because they know every new scam will fool or frighten enough people to produce a fresh pile of money.
The state and federal governments are equally relentless. They’ll keep wasting our time and tax dollars, announcing programs like no-call lists that are merely shiny objects, not actual solutions. They’ll never stop because they know it will work often enough to keep them in business, too.
Rather than whining to the state or the feds every time someone doesn’t play fair, why not accept those things that we cannot change? Instead, stay informed and be perpetually vigilant. Be skeptical of caller ID. Be quick to hang up on suspicious callers. And set aside a few dollars for your own robocall robo-terminator.
Ross Van Woert of Loveland is founder and manager of a marketing consulting and communications agency.
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