Last week, comedian Pete Holmes made an appearance on Conan O’Brien’s late-night TBS talk show, and Holmes went on a hilarious tangent about a recent visit to Denver.
In a (which was later ), Holmes — the creator and star of the HBO show “Crashing” — pokes fun at Denver International Airport and the Mile High City’s obsession with hydration. Holmes last performed in Denver with a run of shows in October 2019 at Comedy Works downtown.
His Denver rant starts toward the end of the clip, at 5 minutes and 30 seconds.
“I was recently in Denver — I’m on a stand-up tour right now — and I was in Denver, it started in Denver,” Holmes told O’Brien. “I don’t know if you guys have been to a city that has a higher altitude than where you live, but the people that live in these high places think they’re pretty (expletive) special.”
OK … thatap probably a fair criticism, Pete.
“Everybody I met in Denver was worried about me,” Holmes said. “They’re like, ‘Can you handle it? How you hangin’ in there? Thin air up here. Can you handle it, flatlander?’”
I mean, can you, Pete? Can you?
“I’m like, ‘Itap not the moon,’ ” Holmes continued. “I don’t see anybody with a fishbowl over their head; everybody’s doing fine. … I landed at their weird Illuminati airport. I took a left at a mural of a forgotten massacre. I called an Uber.”
What, no Blucifer jokes, Pete? Thatap a missed opportunity if ever there was one.
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“The Uber driver was terrified for me because it was so high,” Holmes went on. “He was like, ‘There’s two bottles of water back there. Drink both of those bottles. High altitude, get both of those bottles in you, you sea level (expletive).’ “
First of all, can we just give it up for Pete’s Uber driver? Thatap exactly who you want behind the wheel just after touching down in Denver. He’s friendly, he’s prepared and he cares about your hydration. Frankly, I’m surprised he didn’t also hand you a couple of Nalgenes, a pair of Microspikes and a dispensary map.
“And I was like, ‘Sir, I can handle altitude,’ ” Holmes said. “I arrived by airplane. You should’a seen me, 35K in the sky — I wasn’t just surviving, I was thriving. I had a LaCroix, I watched “Joker” — it was OK.”
So if you happen to know a local Uber driver who recently gave Holmes a lift from DIA, show him this clip so he can bask in the glory of being made fun of by a stand-up comedian on “Conan.” And give this guy a five-star rating, because he deserves it.
