They never call. They never text. They won’t stop talking about all their rich “exes” in Lexington and Bloomington and Chapel Hill.
They demand that you prove your love by cage match. Then they set up said cage and inform you that Michigan’s first up on the fight card.
If the NCAA Tournament was one of those slick paramours that CSU basketball just met on Tinder, and we were good friends, we’d tell the Rams, gently, that he or she “isn’t that into you.”
“This is the best of the best this year in college basketball, so whoever you play is going to be really good,” CSU basketball coach Niko Medved said shortly after the Rams’ assignment, as a No. 6 seed in the Big Dance Thursday against the 11th-seeded, blue-blooded Wolverines, was announced.
“You know, I haven’t watched a ton of Michigan, but I’ve watched them play. They’re obviously incredibly talented. They’re well-coached (in one) of the best leagues in the country. But that’s what you get this time of the year. … You’re going to play somebody like that.”
Itap a lousy stinking draw. A lousy stinking draw compounded by shabby treatment.
Where do we start? The matchup?
The Rams (25-5) are talented, smart, strong and tougher than an old leather boot. But, bless them, they’re not … tall.
So who do the sadists on the selection committee pair them up with? The Wolverines (17-14), a collection of underachieving, and one of the longest, most athletic teams in the field of 68.
Michigan runs its offense through a 7-foot-1 mountain in center Hunter Dickinson (18.3 points, 8.3 boards per game). Dickinson, in turn, is fed by a backcourt that features three guards listed at 6-foot-4 or bigger — the kind of rangy defenders that the Rams are going to have to shoot over or drive around.
Against Ram-killing UNLV on Nov. 19, Michigan outrebounded the Rebels by nine and recorded five blocks. The Wolverines won by 13. Against physical, ugly, defense-first San Diego State at home on Dec. 4, Big Blue drained 11 of 20 from beyond the arc and nabbed 10 offensive boards. The Wolverines led the Aztecs by as many as 21 points before rolling to a 72-58 win.
Michigan men respect no one. Mountain West teams, least of all. Big Dance tilts favor sides that can get second shots during a possession and the ones who don’t allow them — the Wolverines went into Monday morning ranked No. 88 in the nation in offensive rebounding percentage (31.2), while CSU was 339th out of 358 programs (21.9).
“The (key) detail in the game would definitely be rebounds, for sure,” noted Rams guard Kendle Moore, who, at 5-10, will be challenged to snatch them on Thursday.
“I feel like thatap just how itap been all year. And if we dominate on the glass, I feel like everything else takes care of itself.”
Assuming, of course, that you can hear yourself think. Downtown Indy is about a four-hour drive from the Michigan campus. Remember how Wyoming drawing Indiana in Dayton turned into a big ol’ Hoosier hoedown?
Get ready for a Maize-and-Blue sequel.
Downtown Indy’s Gainbridge Fieldhouse is home to the Indiana Pacers and, most years, to the Big Ten Conference Tournament. Itap a building that the program and its fans already know like the chorus to “Hail To The Victors.”
So you’ve got Michigan, in Big Ten country, on a floor where their players are already comfortable. Who’s the No. 6 seed and who’s the No. 11 seed around here, anyway?
“They’re, long, athletic, kind of the high-major prototype build and everything,” Rams star David Roddy noted earlier this week. “But a bunch of (our) guys have been working hard in the weight room ever since we got here for two to three years now. I think we’ll be okay.”
The wonks disagree. pegs CSU as not only the 6 seed thatap most likely to get bumped off in the first round (27.4% chance of winning), but the most probable upset victim of any team seeded 1-10. The Rams are America’s pick to fail, the No. 6 seed that could bust brackets before the Round of 64 is barely two hours old.
Cripes, even the NCAA didn’t care if CSU showed up. CBS Sports’ Matt Norlander reported that the organizers of March Madness, the anal twits who won’t let you take water onto press row unless itap in a cup that has an “NCAA” logo on it, For a game that tips off at 10:15 Thursday morning, Denver time.
“The grind is part of the fun,” Medved had said Sunday, prophetically. “The grind is part of the fun to get in there.”
Yeah, but it should’ve been more fun than this. If we were great friends, and a partner treated us the way the NCAA has treated CSU, we’d tell the Rams to dump their backsides ASAP. Alas, this is March. March dumps you.
