Q: Dear Scott,
I have been in a committed relationship with the man
of my dreams for a little over five years now. Last
month I came home from work to find that he no longer
can share his life with me.
He stated that since
18 he has always been in a relationship, either
married or living with someone, and now he feels that the only
way to make himself better is to be on his own and to
be OK with that. He told me that this was all about
him and not me, and yet he is leaving me and leaving
us.
He doesn’t want me to call or come over to his new
apartment until he is ready, stating that that is his
sanctuary. He still considers us
boyfriend/girlfriend, but that we are taking some time
apart.
He never has given me any reason to doubt him
or question him in over five years until now.
We have
a home together, and I have chosen to stay in that home
and buy out his fair share in a sad attempt to hold
onto a piece of our collective history.
Scott, is it naïve of me to wait and hope that through
medication and counseling, the man of my dreams will
come around after he works through his issues?
Scott: Well, it depends on what the issues are. I completely
empathize with your anguish and understand your
confusion, but let me share something with you.
While I
was reading your e-mail, I couldn t help but think
there s a good possibility of someone else in your
boyfriend s life.
Anyone else out there think that?
He
may have never given you a reason to doubt him before,
but you ve got a big one now: his behavior. Something
fishy is up, bigtime.
Listen, a guy in a happy
relationship doesn t just wake up one morning and
decide he needs to be single because he realizes he s
been in relationships too long. That doesn t make
sense.
However, what does make sense is a guy behaving
that way who s involved with someone else and wants to
free himself up and avoid hurting you at the same
time.
Unless I m missing some major details (e.g., major
unresolved issues in your relationship or a midlife
crisis on his part), do some checking up on him at his
new apartment — the one you re not allowed to visit.
It
could finally give you the peace of mind to discover
the truth and a reason to let go of him and your
collective history.