Dear Amy: My father opposes interracial relationships. I am a white, 20-year-old woman, and the man I’m madly in love with is African-American.
My father found out and said I must choose between him and the man I love. He is the only family I have. I am confused and heartbroken.
I still live with my father and would have to leave, but I can’t afford to because I’m trying to put myself through school while working two jobs. I’ll be homeless for loving a man of a different race. Neither of us can move out of our homes.
Is it right of my father to do this to his daughter?
– Brokenhearted
Dear Brokenhearted: A racist’s child who falls in love with a person of another race is proof the universe has a sense of humor. You’ll have to keep this relationship from your father until you can finish your education and leave home. I dearly hope that in the meantime, your father’s stance will soften; losing you is too dear a price to pay for his views.
…
Dear Amy: This is responding to a letter about a couple who had a “rush” wedding two years ago because the young man enlisted in the Army and was being deployed. Now they want to have a “real” wedding.
The boyfriend made his choice when he enlisted in the military, and the 19-year-old woman made her choice when they had a “rush” wedding.
If a couple wants to have a marriage blessed or vows renewed, with a party to follow, that might be acceptable. But these blatant “get me a gift” affairs are intolerable.
This is not a poor little military couple, as his enlistment could have been postponed until after the wedding.
What is the point of waiting and planning and doing things right the first time if you can get it all and then some without conventional decorum?
– Carol in Colorado Springs
Dear Carol: The young man had already enlisted and was suddenly deployed. That’s why they had their “rush” wedding. Many young couples that are contemplating marriage quickly marry during a deployment. If engaged couples don’t marry before a deployment, the surviving partner wouldn’t receive any death benefits if the service member gives his or her life serving our country.
An Army chaplain told me the desire to provide for loved ones is sometimes a motivation for marrying quickly.
I cannot believe you would criticize this choice and also begrudge the couple a larger wedding later.
…
Dear Amy: My neighbor of four years lives across the street and recently bought a puppy. I have a 5-year-old son, “Dorrance,” whom she knows and sees often. When she got the dog, she came over with it and said, “Dorrance, I want you to meet Dorrance.” She named her dog the same (not very common) name as my son! She claims she has always liked the name. And although she has a right to name her pet anything she wants, I am mortified. Now when she yells for her puppy, my son immediately looks up and gets confused.
Is this tacky? Can I say something? Would calling her dog by a nickname be a fair compromise? Help! Every time I hear her call the puppy, I cringe.
– Annoyed Neighbor
Dear Annoyed: Yes, this is tacky and there is nothing wrong with telling your neighbor so. Just because you can’t stop someone from doing something doesn’t mean she should be able to walk (her dog) all over you.
Here’s what you say: “Emma, the fact that you named your dog the same name as my son really bothers me – and him. You have to imagine how confusing life is at our house when you call for your dog. You’ve almost had my son crawling in your doggy door several times now.” You are giving your neighbor the benefit of knowing this has created problems for you. Unless you want to call your son, “Tippy,” she should change the dog’s name.
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