Dear Amy: Almost one year after a breakup, I still can’t get past the anger. I have no feelings for this cheater, but I am so angry I can’t sleep.
He pursued me through work. We completely hit it off. He insisted on starting our relationship with complete honesty.
Several weeks into the relationship I found out everything he said was a lie. While he was with me, he was living with another woman. I was furious and broke up with him.
He apologized and moved out and said he was moving in with his brother. Then I found out he was living with another woman.
When I confronted him, he laughed. He thought it was funny that he deceived three women at the same time.
Please help me let go of the anger, because it is consuming me.
– A Scorned Woman
Dear Scorned: I assume you’ve saved some of your anger for yourself, because you seriously need to reassess your taste in guys. I hope I can help you by “reframing” your picture. Instead of a “scorned woman,” you are a lucky woman. You dodged the bullet of a lifetime. Whew – that was close! Your anger is this loser’s last act. Ridding yourself of anger will release you completely from his grip. Tomorrow morning when you look in the mirror, I want you to say out loud, “I’m done with him!” And then rid yourself of him. If you think it would help to write his name on a piece of paper and send it up in flames, do it. Sometimes these corny acts actually work because they are outward expressions of your intentions.
You need to talk this out with a counselor because you have a major part to play in this drama. Forgiving yourself might be the toughest part, but you must do it in order to move on. A book you might find helpful is “The Anger Trap: Free Yourself from the Frustrations that Sabotage Your Life,” by Les Carter (Jossey-Bass, $14.95).
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Dear Amy: My boyfriend of four years has been invited to his high school friend’s baby shower. (His friend is the father-to-be.) I was invited to their wedding and have socialized with the couple.
However, my name was not included on the invitation, and I was not mentioned as a “plus one” guest. Assuming I do not receive my own invitation in the mail, am I truly invited, or would I be crashing a baby shower?
– Worried
Dear Worried: If you show up without being invited, you will be crashing.
Your guy should phone the number listed on the RSVP and inquire, “You didn’t mention her on the invitation, so I’m wondering if Mandy is also invited?” Your boyfriend should not bring you unless the hosts have invited you. Generally, partners of long-standing couples are supposed to be included in invitations such as this, but the proper thing would have been for the couple to have your name on the invitation along with your boyfriend’s, or better yet, to send an invite to your home.
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