“An Ode to University of Colorado Professor Ward L. Churchill and His Recent Musings on Fragging – the Killing of Junior Military Officers by Their Own Troops”*
*With apologies to Dr. Seuss and the ACLU
The time has come
The time is now
With your foot in your mouth
You don’t know how
To keep it out
That’s clear, oh wow
Stop blaming others
Stop having a cow
Ward L. Churchill
Will you please go now
You claim it’s someone else’s fault
That your well of support
Is an empty vault
Yet you talk about fragging
And other sleaze
About bombing lieutenants
Or shooting the breeze
Time to do it on your own dime, please
Say “little Eichmanns”
Say whatever you like
Most of us won’t care
If you’ll just take a hike
Your blunders wear on us
Like an ugly shoe
Your conspiracy theories
Are doo, doo, doo
Ward L. Churchill
I don’t care how
Ward L. Churchill
Will you please go now
You can whine all night
And complain all day
‘Bout our fascist state
If you just don’t stay
In a public job
Where we all must pay
For your stupid rants
As you bray, bray, bray
No one thinks you should go to jail
But it’d be all good
If we talked by mail
Ward L. Churchill
Don’t you see
That the military
Is just you and me
Like thousands of victims of 9/11
Soldiers aren’t looking
For a quick trip to Heaven
And your fight with them
Is your fight with us
As you talk nonstop
As you fume and cuss
So get on your way
Dear Wardy boy
You have fragged yourself
With your latest ploy
You love to talk context
Say your thoughts we twist
That the news reports
Reveal something amiss
Yet the words you use
Create plenty of hype
And the words you use
Leave you no room to gripe
You claim talk about fragging
Just makes students think
When your own thought process
Doth stink, stink, stink
Your school remains
In a funding bind
Because of you
Things are really not fine
And while CU suffers
For your Eichmann shtick
Coloradans at large
Grow sick, sick, sick
Of your childish revolutionary act
Go get a bag
And pack, pack, pack
You can leave by car or pogo stick
Just leave us be
Just get out quick
Our time is precious
Our money short
You brand us all
As you squeal and snort
So I say go
And go I mean
This whole state pays
When you vent your spleen
Jim Spencer’s column appears Monday, Wednesday and Friday. He can be reached at 303-820-1771 or jspencer@denverpost.com.
