Dear Amy: I have a problem. My mother calls a lot and wants me to come over and help her with things like her computer, assembling the furniture she orders, hanging pictures, moving furniture, etc.
I go to school full time and work full time, and I cannot be at her beck and call anymore.
I love my mother to death, but this has to stop. I cannot be everywhere at once.
How should I handle this?
– Frustrated
Dear Frustrated: I think this is about your mom missing you. You need to set some boundaries and reassure your mother that you will come to see her – even when there aren’t chores to do.
Perhaps you could develop a regular schedule where she knows she will see you. She can save up some of those pesky household chores for you, but mainly you can visit with each other.
…
Dear Amy: My husband and I have been invited to the wedding of family friends who attended our wedding several years ago.
When they came to our wedding, they gave us a substantial monetary gift. I was later told by another friend that such a gift was the “norm” in that part of the country.
Our finances, however, don’t allow us to give them nearly that amount, and I’m worried about their reaction. I hate to appear cheap, but we really just can’t afford a big gift.
My husband says that if they don’t appreciate what we can give, they can just get over it.
– Not a cheapskate
Dear Not: Gift-giving should be proportional, not strictly reciprocal. You should assume that your friends will be very happy to see you, honored that you will be with them on their big day and grateful for any gift they receive from you. If they’re not all of these things, then yes – they’ll have to get over it.
…
Dear Amy: We are responding to the letter from “Ziggy,” who wondered where all of the “cool, good-looking, moral women are.” We are wondering where our male counterparts are hiding! We certainly aren’t finding them at bars, and, frankly, we are sick of looking there! Even if we spot them, they seem not to have enough of a backbone to approach us and strike up an intelligent conversation.
Right now, we are focusing on our careers because we find that the “search” has left us empty and discouraged. Until we are convinced that there is interesting, mature male companionship out there, we can be found hanging out with our girlfriends who we find provide much better company!
– Three professional women in L.A.
Dear Women: It takes two sets of backbones to strike up a conversation, ladies. Why don’t you initiate contact when you see someone you’re interested in? I have a friend who has a simple, foolproof conversation starter.
“Hi. That’s such a great shirt – where did it come from?” Or you can comment on something that is going on around you: “Wow, it is so crowded in here, did you have as much trouble as I did getting the attention of the server?” If you follow a remark with a question, you’ll be talking before you know it.
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