Alert the media. There was a rare sighting Tuesday night of an endangered species at Coors Field.
The three-run homer.
Catcher JD Closser smacked the dinger during a 6-1 victory by the Rockies.
“Funny how, sometimes, the baseball gods shine down on you and give you a little mercy,” said Closser, humble owner of a .207 batting average.
The three-run homer makes those $6 ballpark beers easier to swallow.
But, in yet another innovative idea to reduce expenses by ownership short on cash and long on excuses, the Rockies have cut back on the longball.
Fewer homers, fewer free souvenirs. Those baseballs get expensive, you know. For the price of a carton, Colorado management can rent a utility infielder.
No wonder franchise attendance keeps sliding. In the left-field bleachers, there are empty seats where kids with outstretched gloves used to be.
The power outage has changed the way Clint Hurdle must manage the Rockies.
“Power can clean up mistakes. A three-run homer late can clean up some mistakes early. For us to sit back and wait for a three-run homer would really be taking a risk,” Hurdle said.
He must now pray for runs the way a luckless grandmother wishes for B-5 at the Bingo parlor.
During the previous 12 years the Rockies have done business, the team formerly known as the Blake Street Bombers always could boast of no fewer than two sluggers who hit at least 20 homers, even when a labor dispute limited the 1994 season to 117 games.
With the expected trade of Colorado outfielder Preston Wilson as close as the next ring of the telephone, the Rockies very well might not have a single hitter who ends the year with 20 dingers.
Where have you gone, Dante Bichette? We long for another time in Denver baseball history, where if you squinted hard enough into the sinking summer sun, you could envision a beer keg sitting in the outfield grass behind second base.
The Rockies employ a mascot named Dinger. Now, he would more appropriately be called Bloop Single.
Colorado might not be the worst-hitting team in the major leagues. But, subtract the mandatory statistical reduction for playing at altitude, and the Rockies certainly are contenders.
Good to know they’re contenders for something.
The Rockies want gullible customers to believe the big losses being suffered by their young position players are an investment in a stellar future.
May the buyer of that hype beware.
Surprising third baseman Garrett Atkins, batting .310, has swung Colorado’s biggest stick since Clint Barmes got hurt wrestling a dead deer to the ground in a stairwell.
And this is how Hurdle honestly describes Atkins: “If you really put him under a microscope, I think you’d say he’s average.”
Honestly, none of these prospects, from Matt Holliday to Brad Hawpe, is ever going to match the 49 homers clubbed by Larry Walker in 1997.
“We’ve been spinning plates offensively,” said Hurdle, who never knew how much empathy he could feel for a circus juggler. “We’ll get three plates going over here. And we got three coming off over there. We haven’t been able to get everything in rhythm.”
At a time when commissioner Bud Selig no longer wants to hear how the baseball or his players are juiced, there will be a higher premium on pure, natural power. The Rockies lack it.
In the bottom of the seventh inning against the hapless Los Angeles Dodgers, Rockies cleanup hitter Todd Helton smacked the 258th home run of his career, tying him with Walker for the franchise record.
As Helton circled the bases, a crowd of 20,000 roared from muscle memory, proving people have not forgotten the baseball we pay to see in Colorado. Nobody buys a ticket to watch Helton coax a walk and steal a bag.
So here’s a little free, unsolicited advice for general manager Dan O’Dowd, when he moves on to Plan Z of his 25-year rebuilding project.
The one and only baseball strategy that always works at 5,280 feet above sea level is the three-run homer.
Are the owners of this franchise too cheap to pay the power bill?
Staff writer Mark Kiszla can be reached at 303-820-5438 or mkiszla@denverpost.com.
