Q: Scott,
I’ve been dating an amazing guy for two and a half months. I haven’t exclusively
dated in over three years, but I feel like we’re heading this way — which is
awesome! We’ve had the conversation like, “I don’t feel single and not
accepting other dates,” but we’re not necessarily calling each other b/f or g/f yet.
And normally I find this moving too fast, but we’ve had several opportunities
to travel with each other and we get along great! I feel traveling helps
expedite a relationship.
For the past three years, I’ve usually dated two-three guys at a
time or none — just to keep my emotions at bay.
Anyway, I feel my old habits from my last relationship creeping in, i.e, critical, moody, and I feel
myself pushing him away and this is the LAST thing I want to do.
I’m definitely
not ready to have a marriage or move-in talks, but would like to get to know
him better over the next several months without sabotaging myself.
Any thoughts?
Should I seek some professional counseling, or any ideas on how I
can stop being this way? I pep myself up each time and even tell myself I’m
being ridiculous, but for some reason I’m not listening to myself.
Does any of that make sense? Do you ever catch yourself doing that?
Thank you!
– Kicking myself
SCOTT: Quit kicking yourself and get a grip on your fear of intimacy. You want the
relationship to work, but then you’re overcome with that frequent inner voice
and the urge to damage it somehow.
The key is to move slowly, and when you catch yourself wanting to sabotage
it, take a deep breath and remind yourself what it is you want in your life.
And hold off on moving in for now. As time goes on and you learn to trust
your boyfriend and the relationship more, the urges will subside and you can
proceed with taking it to the next level.
If not, go for some couch time.