Dear Amy: Recently, my son was bitten by one of his grandfather’s dogs. The dog is a breed known for this (he has bitten four people before this). My husband, my father and I took my son to the emergency room.
As my son was being examined, Grandpa promised him the dog would be gone soon. (He watches my son during the week.) A week has passed, and now it seems Grandpa has decided the dog won’t be put down.
I am concerned for the safety of other kids (there is a 15-month-old grandson). Knowing the dog is still there, my husband and I no longer want our son to go to Grandpa’s house.
The dog is now in a locked basement whenever anyone comes over, but we still don’t trust it. What is the best way to tell him his grandson will not come over until the dog is gone?
– Worried
Dear Worried: Not only is your father a neglectful caregiver, he is a neglectful dog owner. Any dog that has bitten five people is dangerous. Where I live, animal-control authorities investigate incidents of dog bites. If the dog is considered dangerous, it will be removed from the home. An aggressive dog can be dangerous and will put family members – and the larger community – at risk.
If you live in an area with a “no-kill” animal shelter, there is a chance this dog could be moved to a shelter and not be euthanized. The dog might do better in a different environment and could possibly be adopted by someone who can handle him. Obviously, locking the dog in the basement is no answer and would likely make the dog’s behavior worse.
Tell your father your son is too afraid of going to his home until he is certain the dog has been removed. Say that your son won’t visit until the dog is gone. This is nonnegotiable. The parents of the 15-month-old grandson must also be warned.
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Dear Amy: About a year and a half ago, I caught my wife in an affair with a co-worker. We went to counseling for about a year. The problem is that my wife and this guy still work together, and she is secretive.
I still think my wife keeps things from me and find it hard to trust her. I love my wife, and we have three beautiful children. I want to keep our family together. I just can’t trust her.
I don’t get the respect I deserve, and it seems that whatever I say doesn’t matter to her.
– Worried
Dear Worried: Sometimes people leave counseling because it is working and getting in the way of their good time.
This might be the case with your wife. The two of you should head back to therapy. A skilled couples counselor will create an atmosphere in the office that makes it easier for the two of you to talk, including suggesting exercises that both of you can do at home to work on your communication skills.
Your wife needs to make a huge effort to regain your trust – continuing to work with the guy she had an affair with will continue to undermine your trust in her. I certainly hope she comes around and that your family heals. However, if she refuses to attend counseling again with you, continues to be secretive, and won’t look for a new job, it’s time to see a lawyer.
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Dear Amy: A letter from “Bride of the Beard” brought back memories of our parents.
Dad was stationed in Germany, and the rest of us joined him later. Upon arriving in Germany, I saw a nice-looking man with a mustache. I told Mom, “That’s Daddy.” She said, “No way!” Mom was aghast at his mustache. Later that evening, while Dad was sleeping, Mom cut off half of his mustache. He never had hair on his face from that time on until after Mom died. Then he grew a beautiful beard.
This bride need not worry; she should do as my mom did. If her husband wants a beard so bad, it’ll grow back.
– Ann and Trish
Dear Ann and Trish: I love your story, but your mother’s action was extreme. She sounds spunky, though, and she left you with a great memory.
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