Dear Amy: Even though your readers are begging for help to deal with the consequences of infidelity in their live-in relationships, you seem unwilling to tell them the truth: Free samples usually don’t result in trust and commitment, let alone marriage.
How can trust and commitment grow out of “shacking up,” which is usually a temporary arrangement.
Please tell it “like it is” to your inquiring readers! I’m still married to my beautiful bride after 50 years.
– Still Married
Dear Still Married: Congratulations on your long marriage. It truly is an achievement.
However, the degrading phrase “shacking up” does not describe the deep commitment felt by many people who choose to be together without marrying, or before marrying. Infidelity doesn’t seem to recognize the bonds of marriage – I can find no evidence that married people are more faithful than unmarried people. Your letter does raise a good point, though. Couples that live together do tend to break up more often than couples that are married, for a variety of reasons.
However, studies also show that couples that live together before marriage – with the intent of marrying – stay together at about the same rate as couples that don’t live together before marriage.
Some people who would love to celebrate their commitment through marriage are prevented from doing so by laws that deem their unions illegal. Because of your point of view on marriage, I presume that you are lobbying your state government to pass laws making gay marriage legal, so that all Americans can enjoy the rights and privileges that mean so much to you and your wife.
…
Dear Amy: I am going on a trip to New York with my family. We plan to attend a baseball game at Yankee Stadium, where we will watch the Yankees play against our favorite team.
I would like to bring a sign to hold during the game – nothing extreme, just a small sign showing support for our team. The problem is that my parents think I should not bring a sign so as not to attract negative attention from overzealous Yankees fans.
What do you think?
– Rooting for the Visiting Team
Dear Rooting: I assume that you and your family haven’t spent much time in Yankee Stadium. If you had, it would be obvious to all of you that Yankee fans are no more unruly than other fans. In fact, Yankee fans tend to be better behaved than the Yankee players for whom they are rooting.
Perhaps you could prepare your sign, fold it neatly, and carry it in with you to the stadium. If your parents determine that you are safe and sound in your comfy seats, perhaps they will give you permission to bring out your sign during the seventh-inning stretch. However, this is up to them.
Depending on the outcome of the game, it could be unwise for you to unfurl your sign afterward onboard the very crowded subway train leading away from the station. Post-game emotions onboard the “D” train can get pretty hot. Sit quietly and don’t make eye contact.
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Dear Amy: I loved the letter about the mom who had her kids sing their complaints.
I need to share a memory of something I did when my two daughters were grade-school age and argued nonstop.
When the arguing seemed out of control, we often played the “Corner Game.” They each took an opposite corner of the living room and took turns. They were allowed to take a step toward each other by saying something nice about their sister. When they got to the middle they had to hug.
By the time they met in the middle of the room, we were all laughing.
– Proud Mom
Dear Mom: I absolutely love the “Corner Game.”
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