Dear Amy: Would you tell me why so many new brides are becoming monsters? I understand that stress is part of the factor. We (and other parents) have spent small fortunes on our daughters’ educations and weddings, but we’ve had to keep our mouths shut because of our daughters’ behavior.
What is causing these new brides to behave this way? During her wedding process, our 25-year-old college graduate daughter lied almost as much as Jennifer Wilbanks. Several of our friends’ daughters (all university grad students, lawyers and doctors) have made their parents’ lives a nightmare.
I don’t understand it – none of these brides was being forced to marry. Is there anything that could help the parents of freaking brides? What could be the cause of this freakish behavior of so many young women?
– Lost for Answers
Dear Lost: I can only speculate as to the reasons behind this wave of Bridezillas stomping over the land and breathing their mighty tongues of fire. My theory is these women, despite their individual successes in the world, hold onto their queen-for-a-day dreams because we – their parents, friends and fiancés – let them. When we stop celebrating this behavior (by featuring it on “reality” shows, such as “Bridezillas”) and start getting serious about this disrespectful and abusive behavior, they’ll stop the Bridezilla act – because it will no longer work for them.
My feeling is that marrying couples should be responsible for financing their weddings. There is no question that the stress of planning a wedding is very high on the life-stress scale, but there is an enormous wedding industry in this country encouraging them to become monster consumers and perfectionist-princesses. If couples finance their own weddings, at least they won’t be taking money from their folks while they abuse them. (I’m not sure why you felt the need to keep your mouth shut when your daughter was being a “monster.” Isn’t it part of your job as her parent to let her know when she has crossed the line?) I’d like to start a movement. I’m sure I’ll be joined by legions of bridesmaids, as well as family members who have simply had enough.
Brides (and grooms – you’re part of the problem), it’s time to take a chill pill. Dial down your behavior, or you’ll have to deal with some “runaway” guests.
…
Dear Amy: I am entering college as a freshman. Throughout high school I had a large group of friends. However, I always felt like an outsider.
I went to dances with them and hung out on the weekends, but unless I called some of them to hang out, they wouldn’t think to call me. I tried to get in touch with them all summer, but they didn’t bother to call back.
I don’t know if I should try to continue these relationships during college. I don’t know how much they care about me.
I do have a couple of close friends from the larger group, and I know I’ll always be in touch with them.
I would love any advice because it’s hard for me to talk about this with anyone.
– College Bound
Dear College Bound: Congratulations! The rest of your life is about to begin. You will be mingling with other people your age from all over the country who, like you, are leaving their hometowns and their various groups of friends and semi-friends. Everybody gets to start from scratch.
If you are leaving home with a couple of close friendships that you feel really good about, then you’re better off than you know. There is a high likelihood that your closest friendships will, in fact, endure – because that’s what all of you want.
Concentrate on your best pals and your new pals. Start this next friendship phase with confidence (it’s OK to fake it at first). You’ll be fine.
Send questions to askamy @tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
