Q: Our 2-year-old son has learned how to climb out of his crib. We switched him to a big bed, but now we’re having trouble getting him to stay in the new bed. He comes into the living room to get another hug, another drink of water or whatever he can think up. We tried spanking him and putting him back to bed. This didn’t stop his efforts. Is there anything we can do to keep him in bed? How long does this go on?
– K.A.
A: Getting out of bed to join parents should not be a punishable offense. This is a human effort to stay close to caretakers. Anthropologist James McKenna helps us understand why youngsters resist bedtime separation: “Infants slept with their mothers for thousands of years. It helped the species survive by keeping the young ones safe. In many non-Western cultures, children still sleep with parents. … It’s only been in the last 200 years, a blink of the evolutionary eye, that children have been sleeping alone.”
Try patience and persistence in helping your toddler adjust to being alone at bedtime. Create a mellow bedtime routine: Read books, tell stories, and sing songs. Record your own bedtime stories. Play these personal tapes while he’s going to sleep.
If he gets up after you have put him in bed, settle him down and play his bedtime tapes and music again. You may have to repeat this routine for many months.
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Q: I found a package of cigarettes in my 15-year-old daughter’s bedroom. Neither my husband nor I smoke, and we have told our children not to smoke. When I asked her about the cigarettes, she said they belonged to a friend. I’ve smelled cigarette smoke in her room before. When I ask her if she’s smoking she denies it. What can I do when I only suspect she is smoking, but have no hard evidence?
– S.J.
A: You don’t have to witness your daughter smoking in order to take action. The basis for action is your reasonable evaluation of the evidence.
Set rules that allow her to know exactly what you expect. For example: 1. No cigarettes allowed in the house. 2. No smoking inside or outside of the house by her or her friends. 3. No smell of cigarette smoke in her bedroom. These rules offer clear guidelines for your action.
State the penalties that go with any violation when you announce the rules. Add a special assignment to teach the health hazards of smoking. Let her know that the higher the level of education, the smaller the percentage of smokers.
Smoking appeals to youngsters who want to feel grown-up. Teens who smoke often are attempting to show their independence to cover up feelings of dependency. Help her gain a sense of independence by requiring her to find a job, volunteer in the community or tutor other students.
Write Cathleen Brown, care of The Denver Post, 1560 Broadway, Denver, CO 80202 or e-mail her at CABrown500@yahoo.com.
