Dear Amy: I am a college junior, very motivated and involved in school and other activities. I’m outgoing, well respected and considered funny and fun to be around by friends back home. But I’m struggling to make real friendships at school.
Many students rely on alcohol as the primary means of socializing. I moved past the world of keggers and frat parties after my freshman year.
Any relationships with potential friends fizzled out once people realized I wasn’t interested in going out three nights a week. And it’s not that I pass judgment on them; I drink on occasion.
I realize there are students who aren’t like that, but I haven’t clicked with them. It’s also difficult to make real friends in school clubs and activities, as many people seem to be using them to build résumés.
I am taking a large course load and have many activities going on. I wish I had a good girlfriend who I could chat with over coffee sometimes.
– Loner
Dear Loner: The first trick is to find people who share your values. Most colleges have dorms with people who don’t drink or smoke. You should contact your housing dean for ideas about what living situation would be best for you.
Making new and true friends is challenging. To make a friend, you have to be willing to take chances, while being open and tolerant. You may have to abandon your stance of standing back and judging people’s behavior and motivations, and be more willing to step in and lay more of yourself on the line.
You might start by forming a study group in a favorite subject. Offer to host meetings at your dorm’s lounge or at a coffeehouse. If there is somebody you would like to befriend, invite him or her to meet at the dining hall or listen to music.
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Dear Amy: I am involved with two independent parent clubs at my child’s school. There is a pushy woman in both of these clubs who is getting on my nerves. She gets into my space (even with my wife present) and seeks me out.
I’ve tried to treat her with indifference and answer her with short replies, but she doesn’t get the message. It seems as if I’m still her sounding board.
I really like being active in both of these clubs, as the causes are worthy.
– Truly Trapped
Dear Trapped: If somebody is invading your space or backing you around the room, straighten your spine when you have contact with her. You can say, “You seem to seek me out at meetings, Jenny, but I’d love to hear what others think about these issues.”
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Dear Amy: After reading your response to “Happy Grandma,” I had to write. Happy wanted to know if the parents or grandparents should decide the nickname that the grandkids should call the grandparents.
You said you couldn’t imagine a happy grandma choosing an objectionable nickname. Well, I’ve got one for you – my mother-in-law wants my son to call her “Mom.” My husband doesn’t understand why that bothers me. Apparently, in their family, the kids called their mothers either “Mother” or “Mama,” and they called the grandmother “Mom.” While I am not specifically addressing the issue with my in-laws, I kindly refer to her as “Grandma” when talking with my son. I guess I’ll explain when they ask, but I don’t want to open the can of worms.
– The “Real” Mom
Dear Mom: Well – now you’ve got me, because my daughter calls my mother “Mom.” My mom and I love it, probably because my daughter chose the name herself. It seems that when she was little, she heard me calling her grandmother “Mom,” so she figured that it must be her name. When we’re around “Mom,” I become “Mommy.” I hope your son does as many young kids do, allowing you to sidestep this awkwardness by choosing his own name for his grandmother.
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