Q: Hi Scott,
Being a loyal reader of your column, I was compelled to write and ask your advice and opinion, from a man’s perspective, of a dilemma that I am constantly confronted with in this vast world of singles.
I am in my late 30s, in relatively good shape, happy, healthy and considered to be attractive by most. Being in my late 30’s, I do carry those extra, pesky 10-12 lbs. on my curvaceous body. Most importantly, I consider myself a good person and a very good catch in many ways.
When looking for that special guy, I tend to look beyond his potential beer-belly, receding hair line, glasses, etc. to the core of his character. Of course, some sort of initial spark and physical attraction is necessary in most relations between the opposite sex, but my main goal is truly to find someone honest, genuine, who knows the meaning of the word integrity, and with whom I have a good amount of compatibility.
All the while, the majority of men seeking someone in my age range want the total package but can’t quite seem to pony up in return.
How and why do they have such unrealistic expectations when they don’t even have those same goals for themselves? Is it part of that mid-life, male version of menopause that I hear so much about?
I realize that if someone is ultimately that shallow they are not deserving of me and what I have to offer, but it is still a puzzling issue. If you have any food-for-thought on this, I am more than curious and anxiously waiting for your reply!
– Perplexed
SCOTT: Wait a sec, whose unrealistic expectations are we talking about?
Do these insensitive shallow men tell you they can’t have a relationship with you just because you’re too heavy? I honestly can’t imagine that.
Most men I know actually prefer the curvy girls. In fact, I’m struggling to think of one that prefers an anorexic model type of girl. No one I know, at least.
Men do also have pressures to live up to, but they’re different than what women go through. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say either you’re going for the wrong men or you’re having a problem with your own self-acceptance. You’re 10 lbs heavy, so date a guy who’s also 10 lbs heavy.
He won’t be in any position to judge you and you won’t let him.
The sooner you accept yourself and those few extra pounds, the sooner you’ll find a guy who does too. Here’s a good rule to follow: don’t make it an issue out of it and there won’t be one.