Editor’s note: Scott received several e-mails from readers concerning yesterday’s Q&A. Here’s one representative one, and his response.
Q: Hey Scott, I think someone pushed your button!
I read your column all the time and find your answers to be brilliant. Except, that is, for yesterdays “Reality show without the camera crew.”
While I had to laugh as I found your answer to be quite amusing, I must say you were a little harsh. I admit that Spinning through choices needs to make a decision and stop stringing her boyfriend along, but I think her question was worthwhile.
You called her a slut, immature and shallow…..wow – so you make these accusations from a question about confusing relationships?
I’m going to assume you were having a bad day.
– Seeing Red
SCOTT: Wow, it’s great that you all care so much, and read me so closely! After yesterday’s backlash scolding me for my “harsh” advice, I thought I should comment…
I don’t know that I’d generally describe the advice I give as calm and supporting. Don’t get me wrong – I like to help people. I give advice every single day (and not just in the column).
If you ask anyone in my personal circle, I think they’d describe me as kind and honest but also bold, extremely direct and pretty darned sarcastic. I think that most likely describes the advice I give as well.
My column is never written by anyone else. It’s always me, driven entirely by my personality. Am I caring? Absolutely.
The woman who wrote to me in “What’s a Mother to Do” broke my heart. Even sarcastic people have sensitive moments!
The difference between the “If I can discourage you at all” woman and the “Reality show without a camera crew” to me was that the former is in an abusive relationship with a man who demeans her, and the latter is cheating on her boyfriend who she’s been with for many years, who she supposedly “loves very much.” The difference being that one’s being abused the other is a player. I honestly wouldn’t compare the two.
I give advice in the column based on the information I have to work with and I respond accordingly. I called the cheating girl a slut because I felt her behavior was, well slutty.
In retrospect, I suppose I could’ve used the word “player.” I was “harsh” with her because she’s being dishonest and disloyal in her relationship.
Should I ask for advice? Sure, of course, and I do. I’m only human and I think it’s always a good idea to get the opinion of others, absolutely.
My column isn’t for everyone. There are a million and one advice columnists out there and the greatest part about that is you can find one who you identify with, who suits you best.
If you’re looking for one who’ll wrap their arms around you and tell you what you want to hear, then I’m not your guy. I just write from my heart and try to help people that way.
Hopefully, I’ve answered your concerns. Tomorrow, we’ll get back to advice!