Editor’s note: Scott’s having some e-mail problems today; there will be a new Q&A posted tomorrow (hopefully)!
Q: Scott,
I read the above-referenced letter (“?”) from the kind, attractive, successful man and thought, “I could’ve written that letter!” Except I’m a woman.
Friends and colleagues have called me “exceptional” and “magical.” Most people assume I have a boyfriend because
I’m so happy. I’m not boasting; I’m just trying to give you a frame of reference.
I find that men are eager to chase me but when I reciprocate, they tend to disappear after a few weeks. I try not to play games with men and always return phone calls. My friends think I should play “harder to get” and otherwise test these men.
That kind of behavior has never been part of my repertoire. I just need to find a man who’s not all caught up in the chase.
Any suggestions?
– Dating Drag II
SCOTT: Finding men who are not caught up in the chase is easy. Yeah right, in a perfect world!
Here on Earth though, 95% are. Why? For men, the chase is a huge part of finding a mate.
Of course, not all men are this way, but most are. Have you heard the saying “A man chases a woman until she catches him”? There’s a lot of truth to that.
So let’s sort it out: it’s great that you’re mature enough to be open to getting to know someone without playing the game.
But where’s that going to get you?
When men “disappear,” it’s no mystery; it means they’re no longer interested. Your part in this might be that you are pursuing them too much, eliminating the challenge of them pursuing you. Get it?
I’m here to level with you. Your friends are right.
I’m not saying don’t return calls, but don’t return them the same day. Of course, be your fabulous self, but just try not to be overly anxious with men.
The truth is, you’ll net more guys if you play a bit harder to get; don’t volunteer yourself too much at first, and be a little bit vague with the information you give. Try it and you’ll see the difference.