Dear Amy: My husband has a good friend who has moved to the only two neighborhoods that we’ve ever bought homes in. Now he lives next door to us. Not only does he live next door, but also in the exact same style home as us. He continually makes changes to make his decor look exactly like ours.
Don’t tell me that “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery,” because he can’t stand me, and he drives me crazy! We have a lot of mutual friends who ask me, “Did Bert have that first, or did you?” Every time he is over at our home, he scrutinizes everything we have or have done and then goes home and mimics it. It probably wouldn’t get on my nerves as much if he didn’t live in the same model house, right next door. We have some mutual friends who see both of our homes. I’ve tried to distance myself from him and his family. I’ve asked my husband to move, but this is our dream house.
How can I deal with this – or better yet, get him to stop?
– Copycat’s Neighbor
Dear Neighbor: Don’t you know that imitation is the sincerest form of fla …
Oh, no. You took my cliche away! The thing about cliches is that they’re occasionally true.
Take this cliche (please!) and use it to your benefit.
Here’s how: “Bert! Wendell and I are so flattered that we inspire you so much! You know, I’ve been thinking about it and it’s just like that old cliche – how does it go? Oh, you know – the one about copycatting being so flattering. Well, message received. Color us flattered!” Here’s another old saw: It’s a free country. Bert can do whatever he wants to do to his house, including copy yours. But because this is driving you so crazy, your husband should back you up.
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Dear Amy: My brother’s wife, “Candy,” has subtly asked me for some help with my brother. We have been e-mailing each other almost daily. It started out as a discussion about her moving back to her hometown. I was checking out homes for her. My brother is dragging his feet.
Both of my parents are deceased, and I am the oldest sibling. My brother does tend to listen to me. She is really frustrated with him as a husband and father. She has been venting in her e-mails to me.
Raising four children, while working, and being the sole parent who takes them to all of the after-school activities is taking a toll on her and their marriage. She comes home and makes dinner, cleans up afterward, reviews the homework with the kids, takes care of their baths and then drops into bed at night exhausted. My brother does not even start dinner if he comes home first.
I have never butted into family affairs. Not only do I not know how to start this conversation with my brother, but also I’m afraid that if I do have a serious conversation about his family affairs, he may resent me, or his wife for coming to me. I feel that my brother is going to eventually regret his lack of a relationship with his children, and he does not see this resentment that is building with his wife.
– Should I Say Something?
Dear Should: Yes, you should say something – to your sister-in-law. Here’s how it goes: “Candy, this sounds very rough on you. I can tell how upset you are. What are you going to do to get my brother more involved with those wonderful kids?” She might tell you that she wants you to handle it. But this isn’t something that you can fix.
Your brother is a grown man. He might be a flawed, fumbling, lazy, less-than-adequate man, but his life is his business. Your job is to be honest, steadfast and supportive. When he comes to you with questions about his abilities as a parent, you should answer him tactfully and truthfully. Otherwise, his wife needs to muster the strength to handle this, and perhaps you could help her do so. The two of them would benefit from marriage counseling.
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