Dear Amy: I have a good family with two brothers and one sister.
My father, who is wealthy, is in declining health. I recently found out that everything in the trust he created would go to my younger brother, who runs my dad’s company.
My father has always taken care of my sister and her kids (they live with my folks), as well as my older brother. They have never held jobs.
My younger brother has devoted himself to my father’s company, and he is very successful; I know that he will take good care of my elderly mom, sister and brother.
I’ve always been self-sufficient and have never had to ask my parents for anything. I love my family and don’t want to cause any grief, but I’m hurt. I feel left out because I chose to lead an independent life.
I feel resentful for not being a part of anything he will pass on. I also feel guilty because I should be happy with the good life I made for myself. What do you think?
– Theresa
Dear Theresa: This is unfair, and I can imagine how hurt you must feel. I frequently hear from people who feel that they are being somehow “penalized” by family members who leave inheritance money to people whom they perceive as more needy.
In your family’s case, I can understand why your father would want to leave three-quarters of his trust in your younger brother’s care, so that he can use the proceeds to care for other family members – but you deserve a portion of the estate, as well. The question that you must ask and answer for yourself is, “Would I trade my accomplishments and independence in order to “earn” an inheritance from Dad?”
Depending on the state of your father’s health, you might want to raise this issue with him – not to ask him for money, but to ask him to explain the terms of the trust and his reasoning behind it and to assure him that you will help your mother in every way you can.
Then you need to love him and accept his decision, even if you don’t agree with it.
…
Dear Amy: I just read the letter from the person whose daughter had morphed into a raging Bridezilla. I have been photographing weddings for more than 20 years, and have seen my share of Bridezillas. I refer to their behavior as “Bridezilla Syndrome,” and I believe that it should be taken very seriously! The people who seem most susceptible to this disease are young, college-age adults. I believe that they can catch this syndrome by attending too many bridal fairs, reading too many bridal magazines or watching too many movies featuring weddings.
Regrettably, there is no cure. But some treatments might include being quarantined a month before the event to see if symptoms are developing. If we all work together, we can keep this plague from becoming an epidemic!
– Thomas Nichols
Dear Thomas:
I understand that high school proms are now getting out of hand, with weeklong parties, stretch Hummer limos and thousands of dollars being spent.
Can Promzillas be far behind?
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