Dear Amy: I have a distant in-law who insists on buying me gifts for my birthday and other holidays. I do not want to buy her presents at times other than Christmas.
I have tried to tell her how I feel, and for a while I thought that she was respecting my wishes, but she skirts the issue and won’t let me be honest.
She is a real sweetheart and the last thing I want to do is hurt her feelings, but she puts me in a difficult position. It’s not enough anymore to hear her giggle about it like her gift giving is nothing. It is something, and it is something that I want to stop. What can I say to her? How else can I handle this?
– Gifted Out
Dear Gifted: You could start by remembering that this woman is a “sweetheart” and that she is doing what she wants to do. Some people give gifts with no expectation of a gift in return – your in-law might be one of those people.
The next time she sends or gives you a gift and you thank her by note, you can write, “You are so sweet to always remember me and I really appreciate it, but I have an idea – let’s just exchange cards from here on out and then do a gift exchange at Christmas time, OK?” Close your note by expressing how lucky you feel to be a part of her family.
Sometimes it’s best to try and kill a kindness with kindness.
…
Dear Amy: Your advice to “J in Dallas” about the cat that scratched her child multiple times on the face was shockingly off base. The mother clearly felt that the cat posed a serious threat to her child and she should trust her instincts. Her most important responsibility is to protect her children, and if that means taking the cat to the pound, so be it.
A child’s safety and well-being are far more important than any sentiment to a pet. And lest you think I’m some cold-hearted meanie, you should know that my wife and I tearfully laid to rest our beloved 18-year-old dog last year. But if we thought for a moment that Barney would have ever hurt our kids, that dog would have been out the door in a heartbeat.
– Kids Come Before Cats
Dear Kids: If you read her letter carefully, you would note that this woman and her 1-year-old child were new to this blended family. The cat had no history of scratching other family members, and this led me to conclude that this woman was perhaps letting the baby crawl over to the cat and attempt to pet it, which, of course, she should never do.
I offered the writer a series of reasonable options in order for this family to peacefully co-exist, which she claimed was her ultimate goal.
My sympathies about your dog.
…
Dear Amy: “Baltimore Blues” said that she seems to be a magnet for “automotive bullies” who honk, yell and gesture rudely at her.
Your advice that she should behave with dignity in the face of it all is nice, but perhaps she should look more closely at her own driving habits. Does she use her turn signals properly? Does she drive 15-20 miles below the speed limit, instead of pulling over while she rummages in her purse? There will always be one or two bad drivers out there who lack both courtesy and patience, but a person who has become a “magnet” for them is definitely doing something wrong.
– L.A. Commuter
Dear L.A. Commuter: Many readers urged this woman to take a closer look at her own driving habits.
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