Bode Miller, the World Cup overall champion and a five-event racer on the U.S. Ski Team, will report regularly this winter from the World Cup tour for The Denver Post. Miller figures to be an Olympic medal contender in all events.
Beaver Creek – The races last weekend in Lake Louise, Alberta, obviously weren’t what I was hoping for. My skiing in Saturday’s downhill (Miller finished 22nd) wasn’t bad. I just seemed to be lacking a little bit of the intensity and focus I need to make sure I execute. If I don’t have that, it’s a tossup whether the execution happens.
It was sort of the same thing in Sunday’s super-G (18th). I skied all right most of the way and then fell on my hip at the bottom. I think I would have been in line to win or be on the podium with my teammate Daron Rahlves, who finished third.
My lack of intensity is coming from everything I have to deal with. I’m getting less and less enthusiastic about winning, because I see how much importance everyone else is putting on it. I’ve always tried to win, but with my own goals in mind. I always wanted to ski in a way I was really psyched about and that I was proud of, regardless of the outcome, and hopefully that outcome was winning. It’s not like I was trying to lose, I was just trying to ski in a way I was psyched about.
The position I’m in now is frustrating. If I do all the stuff right, and I focus and really get into it as much as I did before, with as much enthusiasm as I can muster, the chances are good I would have that same level of success. It’s not that I don’t want to win. I guess I’m a little bit hesitant to get as emotionally committed as I was in the past. I don’t know why, I guess I feel stretched too thin. My motivation just isn’t clear to me or doesn’t feel genuine right now.
Skiing is still great. It’s really fun. I don’t like it a lot of times when I win, because I have to deal with a lot of extraneous stuff. And I notice everybody else focuses so much on the win.
Winning is great, but when you imply winning is the goal of sport, you turn sport into a money-making process, as opposed to the development of a human being or a personality. For me it’s much more a contest of human beings competing against each other than it is a money-making process. As I get thrown into focusing more and more on winning, realizing paybacks for my sponsors, it robs the sport of its essence. It’s like I’m doing it for the wrong reasons right now.
I came super-close to not coming back this season, and I’m not far from saying, “This isn’t for me.” I don’t want to disgrace the sport by doing what I’m doing right now. It’s an insult to the other guys out there if I’m going through the motions and not doing everything I can to at least buy into the program.
It’s not out of reach. It’s just that I’m hesitant to get emotionally committed to it right now.
