Dear Amy: I am in a quandary about what to do with a vast store of old family documents, photos from the early 19th century and letters between my (now deceased) parents and their families that date from WWII and earlier.
Ordinarily, these items would be valuable to pass on to descendants. However, neither my brother nor I have children, and there are no immediate family members who might want these materials.
I suppose I could give my father’s military documents to the Veterans History Project. Other items, like my grandmother’s 1914 college degree from the University of Nebraska or my mother’s 1941 law degree from that school and other documents from her legal career, would seem to have some historical significance.
Perhaps all I am seeking is reassurance that it is all right to direct my executor to dispose of these things when I am no longer around to care about them.
– Susan in Va.
Dear Susan: I cannot give you the reassurance you seek, and that’s because I want you to do this important job yourself. You should honor your accomplished family by making sure that these historical documents find their way into the proper archives.
The Veterans History Project is a worthy repository for some of your material. Just navigating through the website (loc.gov/vets/) made me want to dive in and dig through the collection of Americana donated by families such as yours.
If you don’t have the heart to go through these things, then by all means direct your executor to do it. But make sure that every photo and document is labeled so that its context is understood.
I hope you will consider undertaking this important task yourself. It could be interesting and rewarding – not only for the lucky recipients and the public who will view these photos, letters and documents, but for you and your brother too.
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Dear Amy: How do I get over the perfect relationship? Six months ago, I met this amazing girl and we connected on every level. We had two months of complete bliss.
But then her old boyfriend wanted her back, and she went. The guy is such a bore and a loser! They seem completely mismatched, and she apparently isn’t happy enough with him to stop sleeping with me once in a while. (I know it’s wrong, we’re trying to be friends, but it is so hard to control ourselves.) I’ve tried to persuade her to come back to me, but she claims she doesn’t see herself having a long-term relationship with me. She’s afraid that I’ll leave her someday because I’m on my way to earning a degree, but the other guy is guaranteed to stay because he has nowhere else to go.
She simply won’t believe me when I say I won’t leave. I don’t understand. What am I supposed to do when the perfect girl dumps me for such a nutty reason?
– Stuck
Dear Stuck: If you are with someone who says, “I don’t have a future with you because you’re not enough of a loser,” then your answer should be, “You know what? You’re right!” If this girl is your idea of “perfection,” then you need to undergo a serious taste realignment. I only wish that I could send you to a relationship chiropractor for just this purpose.
The longer you agree to have sex with this girl on her schedule, the more she drags you down to her level, rather than the other way around.
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