Dear Abby: These will be the first holidays for my husband and me since we discovered that his sister, “Dawn,” embezzled more than $200,000 from our business. It happened over a period of three years, when Dawn was our bookkeeper. Actually, our overall losses were even greater, because of her frivolous spending, “company write-offs” and bad management.
We knew something was terribly wrong. We just didn’t know it was Dawn until she was caught.
She has since gotten another job in another state and is slowly paying us back. However, it will be a couple of decades before we’re fully repaid – if ever. Dawn has asked us not to tell anyone. She got off easy, and I don’t believe that she’s fully aware of the depth of the damage she left behind.
Fortunately, since Dawn’s departure, there is peace in the office and the business is going well once again. But I am still hurt and offended by her deception.
I think I deserve a happy holiday season. Am I justified in avoiding her? Or should I just “grin and bear it” at the upcoming family get-together?
– Still Angry
Dear Still Angry: I assume from your letter that the rest of the family knows nothing about the money your sister-in-law stole, and that she plans to attend the family gatherings.
Are you justified in avoiding her? Absolutely! Unless you’re sure you can refrain from losing your temper(s) and spilling the beans, I’d advise you to make other plans this Christmas. However, unless you are prepared to boycott every celebration Dawn attends, you are going to have to learn to tolerate her at some point. Keep in mind, she is making restitution – however slowly – and that’s a step in the right direction.
…
Dear Abby: I am a divorced mother, dating a divorced man whose children are almost completely grown. My boyfriend makes significantly more money than I do and has the freedom to take time off from work whenever he wants. (He’s an avid hunter and fisherman, and takes several weeks off throughout the year for these hobbies.)
My problem is, I find myself feeling jealous and resentful of the opportunities he is fortunate to have. I know I shouldn’t feel that way. He has earned his success, and besides, I love him and want him to have all the things he enjoys.
On the other hand, I struggle to make ends meet. He pays for everything we do when we are together and often treats my kids to pizza and ice cream. He has offered to give me money from time to time, which I have consistently refused.
So why am I feeling angry and left out – yet if he offers to give me money, my pride won’t allow me to take it anyway?
– Wicked Witch
Dear Wicked Witch: You’re feeling angry and left out because you are human. Your boyfriend is off kicking up his heels (deservedly or not), and you are left saddled with your responsibilities. I respect your stance on not accepting money from him – and I’ll bet he does, too.
One way to effect an attitude adjustment would be to plan something special for yourself when he takes off to enjoy his hobbies. Perhaps you would like a massage, dinner out with a girlfriend you haven’t seen in some time, an evening at the movies, the theater or a concert? Please don’t cast yourself as the poor little left-out waif. The more enjoyable time you allow yourself in his absence, the better company you’ll be when he returns. Trust me on that!
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
