Kids don’t understand much about sex and their bodies and someone touching them in the wrong places.
If something happens, kids frequently are afraid to tell their parents, either out of fear they did something wrong or that they’ll be punished for telling, said Jon Holsten, a Fort Collins police detective and the father of five children.
After years of watching parents fumble the touchy subject of talking with their kids about inappropriate touching, Holsten drew on his professional and familial experience to write a clever little book titled, “The Swimsuit Lesson.”
Brightly illustrated by Scott Freeman, a close friend of Holsten’s who designs Hallmark cards, the first half of the book is a children’s story about a mother explaining to her two kids what inappropriate touching is: touching of any part of their bodies covered by a swimsuit. It’s meant to be read to children.
The second half of the book is an informative, frank discussion for parents about encouraging their children to come forward.
“In my experience, parents don’t see sexual abuse or molestation for the problem it really is,” said Holsten, 35, a CSU graduate and a police officer for 11 years. “Two-thirds of all sexual assaults are on children, according to the Department of Justice.
“When parents do recognize it as a problem, they usually don’t know how to approach their children to talk about it. I decided that here I could use my experience as a police officer and a father to help families.”
Holsten has learned that most parents don’t understand sexual offenders and how they operate. In the second half of the book, he explains that the typical offender does not lurk behind shadows wearing a trench coat. Most likely, the offender will be someone your child knows and trusts – a relative, a neighbor, a babysitter or a day-care operator.
“The reality is, many children are victimized by the last person a parent would suspect,” he wrote.
Holsten said too many families have the attitude that “it won’t happen to us.” Those are the families he worries most about, because they don’t see the threats around them.
“Once parents learn the threats, they start taking the precautions, like accompanying their kids to public restrooms or really checking out a family (before) letting the child spend the night there.
“I had several families put their kids in a day care without checking it out. It turns out the woman’s son assaulted six little girls. It can be very difficult checking something out, but it has to be done.”
Holsten said there are red flags parents should watch for: adults who heap gifts on kids or want to spend an unusual amount of time with them.
“This isn’t a Fort Collins issue. It’s everywhere and crosses all neighborhoods, all socio-economic boundaries,” he said.
The book, self-published by Holsten, can be purchased for $15.95 at www.theswimsuitlesson.com.
Staff writer Mike McPhee can be reached at 303-820-1409 or mmcphee@denverpost.com.
