Dear Amy: I’m a 17-year-old guy. My entire life I’ve been of above-average intelligence. I am so unlike most people my age that I am not attracted to them. I want to find somebody who will provoke both my heart and my mind.
A few weeks ago, I met a person on the Internet. I’ve never been big on the long-distance-relationship thing. This person, though, is simply amazing. She is one of the most intelligent people I’ve ever met. She is thought-provoking, inspiring, and we have so much in common. The past few weeks, I have not been able to stop thinking about her. I feel sort of stupid, feeling like this about somebody I’ve never even met or spoken to beyond the borders of an instant message, but my head is swimming.
Is it possible to fall for somebody based on personality alone? Plus, there’s a sizable age difference. She is 24.
I haven’t told her how I feel, and I don’t know how she feels about me. I know she considers me a good friend, but I also know that because of past experiences, she is paranoid about being personal on the Net.
– ARM
Dear Arm: One aspect of being 17 is thinking you have a lock on the wisdom of the ages and are an old soul surrounded by superficial nincompoops.
Another aspect is to be so immature and insecure that you can’t dare to have an actual relationship with somebody who might, in fact, be every bit as immature and insecure as you are.
Your fantasy might not be what she claims to be. She could be a 57-year-old man, an 85-year-old woman, or a kid in your English lit class. If the object of your affection offers to meet you, do not do so. This is as much a safety issue for you as it would be for a girl.
Of course you can fall in love with someone you’ve never met. People fall in love with movie stars and characters from books all the time. It is easy to fall in love with an idea. Falling in love with a real person is much more challenging.
Please give yourself a chance to become the smart, wise and poetic young man you have a chance to be, and dare to engage in relationships with actual (not virtual) people. Actual people are frustratingly complicated but much more wonderful – just like you.
…
Dear Amy: My boyfriend has a very annoying habit. When I start a sentence, he often interrupts immediately and says, “I know what you are going to say.” It turns out he is usually wrong. I have expressed to him repeatedly how much his “knowing” habit annoys me, but he continues to do it.
Am I overreacting, or is this a sign that he’s “Mr. Know-It-All”?
– He Doesn’t Know
Dear Know: Your boyfriend could be a “Mr. Know-It-All,” a “Mr. Interrupting Cow” or a “Mr. I-Can’t-Believe-It’s-Not-
Butter.” Whatever you call him, he’s just plain rude.
The next time he does this, stay silent while he interrupts. Let him spit out his thoughts. Once he’s done, wait five seconds. Then say, “Anyway …” clear your throat, and say what you had intended to say. If he doesn’t catch on, reconsider being with him. It’s no fun to be a partner to a mind reader – especially one who’s lousy at it.
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Dear Amy: This is in response to the bridesmaid who was stuck paying for her dress after the wedding she was supposed to be in was canceled.
I faced something similar when I rented a tuxedo for my son’s wedding. When I explained that the tuxedo had not been worn because the wedding was canceled, the rental store charged me half price.
More significant: The store had catalogs with bridesmaid outfits to rent.
– Cheapskate Andy From Va.
Dear Andy: Brides should choose attire that bridesmaids might not mind being seen in outside of the church. But I like the idea of renting – or recycling – bridesmaid dresses, and I would love to hear from people who have done this.
E-mail to askamy@tribune.com or write Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
