Dear Amy: I’m a professional African-American woman in my early 30s who works for the Department of the Treasury.
Every year our company has our annual Martin Luther King Jr. celebration that takes place off-site in our area.
Here’s the thing. The event costs $16 a ticket, and it’s optional to go to the event.
I already went twice over the past two years voluntarily, only because I wanted to appear like a “team player” at my department.
Now I’ve pretty much gained seniority, and I don’t feel the need to go to these events.
However, my boss bought me a ticket for this year’s event, which forced me to go! I went, of course, but in the future how can I relay to my boss that, although I sincerely appreciate the offer, I do not want to attend another one of those boring events?
– Obliged to Play the Race Game
Dear Obliged: In a way, your surliness is a testament to Martin Luther King Jr.’s legacy. The fact that you take this leader’s struggle so completely for granted means that the movement he gave his life for must have succeeded, right? At least, that’s how I’m determined to read your letter.
I don’t know how your attendance at this event means that you are playing the “race game,” but I assume that you feel obligated to honor his legacy in this way because you are African-American.
However, regardless of your race, there are times when professionals are obligated to attend company-sponsored or company-sanctioned events. Sometimes, people who pretend to be “team players” actually become team players with fellow employees at company events.
If you are offered the opportunity to purchase your own ticket to attend an event, it is up to you whether you choose to go. If you object to this celebration for ethical reasons, then you should explain that to your boss.
If you are interested in honoring MLK’s legacy, you might organize a day or evening of service in his honor. Perhaps you could present this as an alternative event for interested colleagues.
…
Dear Amy: I’m an 18-year- old bisexual woman.
I’m dating a wonderful guy, and we’ve been together for more than a year.
Recently, I found out that he cheated on me with a mutual friend.
Both of them were drunk and regret it deeply. They only shared a kiss, but he felt horrible about it and felt compelled to tell me about it.
Naturally, I was angry with him and told him that we should take a “break.” It was one of the most miserable weeks of our lives.
A few days ago, we decided to get back together.
While we were apart, I started getting closer with a friend of mine who I have had a crush on.
She is funny, smart and very attractive.
The day after my boyfriend and I got back together, she confessed to me that she had liked me for a long time. Now I don’t know what to do! Do I leave the man who hurt me to pursue a crush? Or do I stay with the one I love and allow the crush to pass?
– Torn in Two
Dear Torn: I believe that at least one episode of “Friends” was devoted to this basic plot line; you just need to decide whether you are playing Ross or Rachel.
If you want your relationship with your boyfriend to succeed, then you need to commit to it, regardless of whatever other temptations you face (so does your boyfriend, by the way). Crushes tend to be temporary in nature.
If you leave them alone, they eventually pass – only to become memories that briefly flicker to life at college reunions.
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