On the eastern Pueblo County prairie – We will try today to conduct a mature, grown- up discussion about John and Toni Schwartz’s 15-acre ranch, a quiet place of cactus and sage and wild grasses where they raise animals. Specifically, miniature donkeys.
We’ll kick things off by giving you the name of this place. There’s even a big sign alongside U.S. 50 proclaiming the actual name in very large letters. We give you this name with unwavering trust that you will refrain from any chuckling, snide remarks, childish snickering or other forms of juvenile behavior.
The Schwartzes raise their miniature donkeys – and it’s important here to remember the key word “donkeys” – on Kiss My Ass Ranch. Donkeys, as you’re probably aware, also are known by that name, which we will try not to use again.
The Schwartzes have been raising the small donkeys – a donkey’s head comes up to an average-sized person’s waist – for just two years. They’ve sold more than 20 of them, for about $1,000 each, to petting zoos and, more often, to just plain ol’ people, folks who cling stubbornly to that American dream of having a house with a picket fence and a really small donkey lurching around in the backyard.
Today, though, the ranch is home to just two pregnant females and one male, which is known as a jack, uh, jackrump.
“The jack right there bred both of those females,” Schwartz said. “He’s been a good jack(buttocks).”
John, 65, was a maintenance supervisor with the Colorado Department of Transportation for 32 years before he retired in 1991. The couple bought this small ranch on the eastern Colorado flatland and raised horses. Today, the horses are gone. The ranch is home to goats, peacocks and the small donkeys.
Miniature donkeys originated several hundred years ago in Sicily and the neighboring Italian island of Sardinia. They were bred to work in the small confines of family vineyards where, as you might imagine, people with really big (donkeys) had quite a problem getting down the narrow paths without damaging a lot of grapes.
In the 1800s, Italian immigrants began bringing their small donkeys to America, where they were first used in coal mines and other confined spaces where a guy with a great big donkey was unpopular.
Schwartz began raising the miniature donkeys in 2004. The operation started because a friend in Florida wanted some of the 150- to 175-pound critters for his petting zoo.
“He had the zoo, and he thought the miniature donkeys would be perfect,” Schwartz said. “So, I bought a few and started breeding them. And then he got hit by hurricanes and lost the petting zoo. So, I invested a lot of money and time, and suddenly I can’t sell them and I’m stuck with 23 of them.”
Which is the kind of thing that can really frost a guy’s donkey.
Schwartz found, however, that other people wanted the scaled-down version of a regular donkey. People saw the animals in his pasture and stopped for a look. And things really took off when he started peddling his, uh, unique livestock in the Penny Saver ad sheet.
He didn’t know it, but he was riding a wave of small-donkey popularity.
Today, some 15,000 of the big-eared Italian donkeys call America home. An actual publication, Maryland-based Miniature Donkey Talk Magazine, offers tips on health care and feeding, and even discusses the use of the animal as a “guard donkey” to protect sheep and other livestock.
Also, from the magazine’s website: “Miniature donkeys are capable of carrying a full-size human over a long distance.”
Although in most cases the rider’s feet will drag. And, of course, the animal needs to occasionally stop for a rest. An experienced owner knows when it’s time to get off his (donkey).
To shield his donkeys from the Colorado winters, Schwartz built a heated barn. During the day, the sturdy animals graze on wild grasses, along with alfalfa that the Schwartzes provide, but they come into the barn at night. This gives Schwartz, an animal lover, some peace of mind because nothing, as Coloradans know, can ruin your day faster than having a cold donkey.
In previous winters, Schwartz would bring some of his animals to shows, selling them and getting to meet other miniature-donkey breeders. This involved backing a horse trailer up to the barn, leading the sometimes stubborn animals up the ramp and into the trailer and then hauling (donkey) all around Colorado and other Western states.
By this spring, however, the Schwartzes will likely be out of the business. The two pregnant donkeys will give birth soon, Schwartz said. And once he sells the two adult females, their offspring and the one remaining jack(you-know-what), that will be it.
Colorado, though, still has a few remaining miniature-donkey ranches, including H&H Farms, just down the road from the Schwartzes’ place. Another, owned by Rich and Deb Loewenstein, sits out on Stagecoach Road in Windsor.
If you’re interested, call directory information.
Ask for the listing for Windy Ass Acres.
Staff writer Rich Tosches writes each Wednesday and Sunday. He can be reached at rtosches@denverpost.com.
This article has been corrected, online. In print, due to a reporting error, it incorrectly reported the year of John Schwartz’s retirement as 1981. He retired in 1991 from the Colorado Department of Transportation.
