Dear Amy: I’m a 17-year-old girl with a problem. In the past, I’ve kind of enjoyed Valentine’s Day. This year, I’m dreading it. All the pink and red and the cupids (don’t get me started on the cupids) are making me sick.
I feel as if to be validated I have to have a boyfriend. How do I survive Valentine’s Day with a bunch of lovesick friends without pulling my hair out?
– Dreading in D.C.
Dear Dreading: I see you, I call you, and I raise you. If you think being bummed out on Valentine’s Day at 17 is too much to bear, try being a middle-aged single mother with no …
Oh, never mind.
Reframe the way you see Valentine’s Day. Try to celebrate it as a festival of friendship, a love fest against loneliness.
One of the best things about Valentine’s Day is where it falls on the calendar. February can be a cold, heartless month. Valentine’s Day breaks the winter calendar neatly in two. Spring, my friend, is around the corner.
This year, celebrate by slipping chocolate hearts into your boyfriendless friends’ lockers. Find like-hearted friends to share this day. Send your parents and grandparents goofy paper hearts. Know that you are loved and valued, just as you love and value others.
And the boy stuff? Well, that will happen, all in good time.
…
Dear Amy: My boyfriend of two years and I (both in our 30s) have been discussing our future and both look forward to marriage. He recently told me it would be a while before we can wed because unexpected costs have depleted the savings for the engagement ring. I have told him I don’t need a diamond, and just want to start our lives together.
My mother has given me her diamond ring to give to him. My friends are encouraging me not to do this, saying I might as well get down on my own knee and propose.
I don’t want to bruise his ego, but I also don’t want a rock to delay our marriage. Should I tell him about the diamond or wait until he finds his own way?
– Ready for Our Future
Dear Ready: You two need to work this out as partners. You do not want to start a marriage in debt, so saving for future expenses is a great idea. I don’t think your giving him a ring to give back to you will satisfy either of you. If your guy is hesitating about marriage, you need to back off a bit. Give him some time to catch up to you.
Ultimately, you should make this very grown-up decision in a grown-up way – together.
…
Dear Amy: Here’s a blind-
date story that worked out well. I met my husband through a blind date in August 1953. I dated him for only about 2 1/2 weeks before he shipped out to Korea. He asked me to wait for him, and soon wrote my parents for permission to marry me.
We wrote back and forth every day for whole year. All the time he was away, I visited his grandparents, who raised him, and other members of his family. Everyone in our small town said our marriage would never take place, let alone last.
My husband returned to the States on a Tuesday and called from California to ask, “When are we getting married?” I said, “Saturday.” I already had my gown, and my mother made all the arrangements by phone.
We have just celebrated our 52nd anniversary. We are the proud parents of three children, five grandkids and two great-grandkids. We are still in love.
– Still Happy
Dear Still Happy: Now you’ve made the rest of us happy. Thank you!
…
Dear Amy: Regarding “Confused in Va.,” who was asking if it was appropriate for her fiancé to ask her father for her hand in marriage – I think it’s a grand tradition.
When I found the love of my life, after a few tries, I was 55, and I won’t tell her age. I not only asked her father but also her mother. I then asked her daughter and her granddaughters. I also asked my own daughter. (I like to cover all the bases.) I got a unanimous vote.
The bonus is that I have six new women in my life for the price of one! My mother-in-law refers to me as her son-in-love.
– Speed Rasmussen
Dear Speed: Awwww – Happy Valentine’s Day!
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