Dear Scott,
I haven’t lived in Colorado for many years, but it still feels like home, and I look at the Denver Post everyday via the Internet. I have become hooked on your column.
My question is regarding my husband’s constant wandering eye for other ladies. He doesn’t have affairs (at least I am fairly certain of that), but he makes comments every time a pretty girl is in the vicinity. He stares, tells me in great detail what he finds attractive about her, etc. He also seems particularly attracted to young women, in their late teens and early twenties. He is in his early forties.
He has done this pretty much since we first dated, more than 15 years ago, so if I accepted it then, why can’t I accept it now? I guess I feel like I am getting older, not as attractive as I once was, and I feel a little jealous when he talks to me about these pretty young women. I still am in good shape, however, and I get hit on fairly frequently (I am 5’7″, 120lbs, a natural blonde with blue eyes), but I would never think of rubbing his nose in it.
I have told him how I feel about him talking about other women, but he brushes it off. He thinks that the guys who actually talk about women are the ones who are faithful, and I should be worried if he was one of the guys who didn’t share those things with his spouse. I have explained that it’s not so much a question of being faithful, but of being sensitive to my feelings. When he sits around admiring everyone else, it makes me feel unappreciated.
So the next time we go out, and he views a waitress’ cleavage, should I just let him go on and on about how great her breasts are, or should I whack him with the menu?
Sincerely,
Married to Wandering Eye
Scott:
How do you think your husband would react if your eyes started wandering? Let’s find out! When he starts commenting on other women’s physical attributes, you point out other men you find irresistible in the room. His behavior is obnoxious and inconsiderate, and he’s being completely ignorant to your feelings. But this is a serious issue that needs to be addressed and resolved. Get confident and try a little harmless flirting of your own and see what kind of reaction you get from him. You might be surprised.
Sometimes the best way to get your point across is through rational discussion but when that’s not possible, a good dose of one’s own medicine might do the trick.