Q: Dear Scott,
I am a 48-year-old woman and I’m attracted to younger men. I was seeing a 27-year-old, who has an unhealthy background (runs with a gang, sells drugs, etc.). He ended up in jail for about a year, and will be out in about four months.
I have and had heart for him as I think that in time, I can help him turn his life around. I previously wrote to him (this was before I met someone else) saying I loved him. He replied with he loved me as well.
But he has had about two years to prove it and made little effort. I’m just always THERE for him.
The other side of this is, about two weeks ago, I met a 21-year-old. He is so sweet. Has a pretty healthy background.
We are going on a date. Now I am thinking, what-to-do if they both want to hang around?? I don’t want to hurt either of their feelings.
I’m thinking if I am very careful I can have both until, like the saying goes, MAY THE BEST ONE WIN.
I need true solid advice. Thank you very much.
SCOTT: Why yes, you do need some advice. The chances of either man winning are minuscule.
You’re interested in an incarcerated young guy who’s been in a gang selling drugs and you think you could save him? Please! Yes, you can influence his life but be realistic.
Your measly attraction to him isn’t going to move any mountains for anyone other than you. But you’re already onto the next guy, since the 27-year-old couldn’t prove his love to you (via the jail cell).
What you need to know is that at that young age, both guys are constantly going through life changes and a relationship with either of them would be short-lived.
It’s one thing to be attracted to a “type,” but the idea that you’re going to date and if you’re “careful,” enjoy successful relationships with both of them is no less than delusional.
I’m sorry, but, you + me = no validation.
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