Dear Amy: I am a married mom of a 7-year-old daughter, “Ana.” I work at home doing medical transcription. I get paid by the hour.
Several of Ana’s neighborhood friends like to come over and play here because we have cool video games, a swimming pool, etc.
I want Ana to have friends because she is an only child. However, sometimes I feel that these kids’ moms think I am a free day-care center over here, even though they all know that I work. One kid last summer would come over for several hours a day every day. I know it’s my fault and I did put a stop to it, but his mom pretty much quit speaking to me, which is fine.
Two of these moms have other smaller children at home. I do send all the kids either outside or to someone else’s house sometimes. Much of the time, the other kids will say they can’t play in their own houses because their little sister or brother is taking a nap.
My questions are, how long is long enough to allow these kids to be here during the day while I am working? I only give them snacks sometimes, if they ask for them. How often should I be expected to provide snacks, if ever? Should I send them home if Ana wants a snack? I can’t afford to provide every kid in the neighborhood with snacks.
I don’t know what rules to set and how. I know you probably think I’m being wishy-washy, but I don’t want to be the mean mom of the neighborhood and run off Ana’s friends, either.
– Confused Mom
Dear Mom: You should not have any 7-year-olds over unless you can supervise them, at least in a basic way. Do not allow them to be in the pool area without you, for instance. You don’t know what their swimming abilities are, and that’s extremely dangerous.
If children are at your home, you should offer them snacks (within reason), certainly if your daughter is having one. Please don’t say that you can’t afford snacks. Apples, pretzels, popcorn or freeze pops won’t break the bank (kids should not drink soda, certainly if they’re swimming).
You should let your daughter know that she may never have children over without asking you first. If a kid shows up at your front door and your daughter answers it, her response should be, “Hi, Chelsea. Let me see if it’s OK with my mom if you can play here.” (Practice this with her if she has trouble.) No child should be camping at your home for hours on end – that’s why you can always say, “Let’s call your mom, Brendan, because I think it’s time to go.” If possible, you should try to use the flexibility of your home-based job to carve out a couple of hours each day when you’re not “at the office.” This summer, Ana might enjoy going to your neighborhood day camp. This will keep her busy and stimulated and allow you to catch up on your work so that you’re both ready to meet the neighborhood, should you choose to invite them.
…
Dear Amy: At my high school, we are having a “Turnabout” dance.
I want to ask this guy who likes me, but I don’t know how.
Do you have any suggestions?
– Help!
Dear Help!: If I were you, I’d go onto the Internet, snatch a neat illustration or photo (or the “mashup” video of Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah’s couch combined with “Star Wars” sound effects), and paste it into an e-mail, with one word written underneath.
Turnabout? you would write, followed by your name.
Remember – don’t do anything by e-mail that you wouldn’t mind having forwarded around.
Because we didn’t have e-mail when I was your age, I had to ask Tommy Clark to the Turnabout dance the old-fashioned way. I asked one of his friends to ask him if it was OK if I asked him. Then his friend reported back that it was OK if I asked him.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
