Q: Good morning,
I have been divorced from my husband for seven years now. We have two kids (20 and 17), and we are becoming grandparents next month.
The problem is: my ex and I have always stayed friends and this last summer he started hanging out with us more and more. He told me that he really missed his family and wanted to try to make it work again.
Well, after much delay, I finally opened my home and heart to him. That was great for a couple of months, then he started seeing his ex girlfriend and all of a sudden he was not sure about us.
He has spent the last holidays with her but still calls me and tells me how much he still cares for me and misses me. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster. I care for him but I am so scared.
I miss having him around, but now I am not sure. My kids are really upset with both of us: him for doing this to me, and me for allowing him to do this to me.
My question is, do you think we have a chance or should I just give up and keep the friendship going?
SCOTT: I’m siding with the kids on this one. Here’s why: I won’t tell you that sex with your ex is wrong; sometimes it has its benefits, (e.g., you already have an intimate connection, already know each other and it beats the heck out of a one-night stand).
The problem is that it wasn’t just sex but an unrealistic momentary fantasy about getting the family back together and everyone was affected by that. You think you’re hurt, just think about your poor kids. They’re pissed!
So to answer your question, no you don’t have a chance. I know, it’s not fair. But then again, neither is life. Stick to a friendship with your ex husband, don’t have sex with him and don’t fall for it every time he wants to “make it work again.”
Sometimes not getting what you want is a good thing. You’re divorced for a reason, so close the door on this marriage for good and move on.