Q: Dear Scott,
I read your article regularly and I like the advice you give, especially since it is from a male perspective, so I decided to pose a question to you.
I am a single 34-year-old woman who cannot have children. Because I have known about this since I was very little, I consider myself very lucky.
I never developed the “maternal” instinct, therefore it has not been difficult for me to handle this situation.
However, I do realize that 99.9% of men want children (usually their own). As you can imagine, I have had very few serious relationships. My question is, when and how is the best time to tell a new guy my situation?
For years I have told them almost immediately, mainly because I do not want to fall in love only to find out they have to have children. Basically, it was a way of protecting myself.
Now, the older I get, I think I might be sending the wrong message, i.e. “I want to get married now!”
What, when and how do you think is the best way to broach this subject without scaring a guy off? Any advice you can offer would be appreciated.
SCOTT: Congratulations! What could be better for a woman who can’t have children than to not want them? It’s perfect.
I also like that you’re honest and upfront with men about yourself, and the only men you’re going to scare off are ones who want children, but you wouldn’t be a good match with them, anyway.
It’s not true that all men want children. Many don’t, actually, and you stand a way better chance of finding one by not changing anything and staying true to your open and honest self.