Dear Amy: I just discovered that my boyfriend of eight months has been lying to me the whole time we’ve been together.
We started dating with the understanding that he was no longer with his ex (with whom he lived for eight years and has a child). She lives out of town.
I later discovered that I cannot visit his home because she owns it along with him and forbids him to bring women there. I haven’t met any friends or family, and we spend our holidays apart. He has met most of my friends and family.
I finally resorted to checking the address on his driver’s license, searching online to see who lives at that address, and when I did call, a woman answered the phone.
When I confronted him, he simply accused me of being untrustworthy to investigate him like that. I have since spoken to him and he continues to say I am wrong. I don’t know the whole story, but he won’t tell me the whole story. He is now accusing me of being pushy in seeking the information and says that this is why my previous relationships failed.
Unfortunately, I have fallen in love with him, but I find it hard to understand why he was dishonest with me and to believe him when he says he loves me.
Was I simply naive and foolish all along? My friends recommend informing the other woman that he has been dating me for eight months.
– Brokenhearted Yet Again in D.C.
Dear Brokenhearted: New flash. She isn’t the “other woman.” You are.
When you’re with someone who doesn’t want you to meet his friends or family and won’t let you near his home, that’s a sign that – h-e-l-l-l-l-o-o-o – you’re not his girlfriend.
Here’s what you should tell this guy that you “love” – just before the door hits him on the keister: “Buh-Bye.” That’s the only “explanation” that should pass your lips.
Then you need to make some changes in your life. If this sort of episode seems to be happening frequently in your romantic life, it’s a sure sign that you’re making poor choices.
…
Dear Amy: You recently addressed the issue of a co-worker complaining about how a colleague dressed.
When I worked in a large Phoenix law firm, it was noted that there didn’t seem to be a standard that everyone could look to for proper office attire.
Instead of making this a negative issue, they found a very constructive way to address the issue. Every three or four months, the secretarial staff (primarily female) was treated to a working luncheon/seminar where tips on how to “dress for success” were given.
Guest speakers addressed issues such as how to apply makeup for both days and nights, how to shop for proper attire while on a budget, and sometimes handed out coupons/discounts to department stores.
These seminars addressed other issues as well, such as living within a budget, alternative transportation (they offered free or discounted bus passes and monetary rewards for carpooling), and time/stress management.
– Penny in Mesa, Ariz.
Dear Penny: This sounds like a great idea. I can only assume that the firm’s lawyers were also given makeup tips, offered bus passes and encouraged to carpool.
Somehow, I have a feeling they weren’t.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
